


It's Not The Climb You Need To Worry About

by wingedlioness



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, One Shot Collection, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 35,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4398785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedlioness/pseuds/wingedlioness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Home of Captain Swan writing challenges, birthday ficlets, tumblr prompts, and however else one shots come into being. Requests to tumblr (same username).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confectioneries

**Author's Note:**

> cs writing challenge prompt: sweet.  
> Emma packs a special lunch for Killian and Henry's sailing afternoon.

Henry scrambled up the deck excitedly, his arms full with a giant container. Killian chuckled, “Easy there, lad. We’re to be gone some hours, not a fortnight.”  
Henry grunted good-naturedly. “It was my mom. She packed a cooler full of, and I quote, ‘your favourite things.’”  
Killian laughed and dropped the subject, focusing in on fine tuning Henry’s sailing skills. He knew the lad approved of his courtship with his mother but also knew he didn’t need the overt reminders.

  
A good wind, steady sun, and challenging waves later, they had both worked up quite an appetite. As Killian double-checked their mooring, the lad was getting quite accomplished, Henry tore into the cooler.  
“Yes! I’m so glad you and my mom are together, she packed the best stuff for you!”  
Killian paused, puzzled. He was fairly certain he saw Henry gravitate to confectioneries and fried goods when permitted. While those might be the staple diet for a young man in this realm, his love knew that was no meal for a man of the sea. Perhaps he had missed the lad’s affinity for meats and fresh fruit.  
“Oh, and there’s a note for you.” Henry waved vaguely around a mouthful of doughnut.  
With increased apprehension, Killian looked in at their food supply.  
The cooler was loaded with doughnuts, sugar water (“soda,” his memory supplied), packages of candy, and French fries. Killian stood still in horror. His Swan packed… _this_? For **_him_**?  
Spying what appeared to be a single coffee cup with a note attached, he snatched it up.  
  
_Killian,_  
You wanted to bond with Henry right? I’ve heard the fastest way to a person’s heart is through their stomach! Enjoy the sweets ;)  
x Emma  
  
Oh, she was going to pay for this. He gulped down the mercifully black coffee, an evil glint growing in his eye.


	2. I'm right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cs writing challenge prompt: "I'm right here."  
> The Darkness has taken Emma, a post-finale continuation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now thankfully impossible due to filming spoilers. Of course the spoilers seem far more angsty...so...yay?

As the darkness descended, twisted and revolting, Emma retreated to the safest place she could think of.

His heart shone like a lighthouse beacon for her, guiding her in, bringing her home.

She watched helplessly through Killian’s eyes as the Darkness and her body spiraled up and vanished into the night sky.

…

“I love you.” It had been centuries since he heard that last. His first love demonstrated one last act of defiance towards the evil creature as he crushed her heart, choosing love over fear. Now his Emma used this precious phrase in the same way, overcoming her trepidation in a final moment of brilliance against the darkness.

_I’m still here._ Killian stared frozen at the Dark One’s still clattering dagger. He felt the royal couple collapse beside him, heard Robin and the Queen’s cries of dismay. He was hardly aware of his feet taking him to the dagger, picking it up with shaking hands. He cradled it gingerly, as if it were truly his beloved’s heart, his own pounding in his chest. It couldn’t be this way.

_Killian, I’m right here._

It wouldn’t be this way. Killian straightened, his grip tightening. He turned sharply back to the others.

“Your Majesty, please inform Henry that we’ll leave at first light. Should you have any resources on either the Dark One or a sorcerer known as Merlin, please send it along with him.” Regina’s tear-streaked face jerked up, shell-shocked.

“Robin, kindly request the same information from the fairies and entreat them to meet with me on board my ship prior to our departure.” Robin gently began tugging Regina away as she began opening her mouth, likely as not to object to his presumption of Henry’s attendance. He ignored the urgent whispers of the couple as they moved away, only caring that his instructions were carried out. Killian knew there was no way Henry would not be a part of this rescue mission, nor would he deny the lad his right aboard the Jolly Roger. _I’m right here, please, I’m here._

Turning to Snow and Charming, he could see there was little chance either of them would be rebuking his orders. “Your Majesty, Your Highness. I have no doubt that you both shall wish to join us but you have the little prince to see to amongst other obligations. I suggest that you decide which one of you shall be accompanying your grandson and I on this journey, and meet us at the Jolly Roger. I shall wait for first light but no longer.”

_I’m here, Killian._ Killian swept past Swan’s parents, heading purposefully towards Gold’s shop. Belle would hopefully have some leads to send him on his way with, although he hoped for her sake that the Crocodile had not awoken. While Gold may no longer be in possession of the Dark One and its powers, Killian wasn’t sure if he could continue to keep his rage, fears, and shattered soul at bay.

_Please…_

He paused outside the pawn shop, hand and dagger drifting towards his heart. It was almost as if she was…

_… right here._


	3. A Hero’s Journey, by Henry Mills Or, How Emma Swan Ruined the Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cs writing challenge prompt: book  
> Emma finds out what story Henry has been secretly writing.

A Hero’s Journey, by Henry Mills Or, How Emma Swan Ruined the Ice Cream.

Emma stretched haphazardly, wincing at the creak in her shoulders. The station’s clock read 5pm, well nearly, which meant she could head home. In the years following their Camelot adventure (or Operation Swan as Henry still called it), things had managed to more or less stabilize in Storybrooke. She had finally obtained that waterfront apartment she and Henry’d always wanted, Killian had learned to sleep in on Sundays, and her parents were taking a few days away before her brother’s 3rd birthday celebration.

Emma wasn’t quite sure why a (precocious, mind you) 3 year old needed such an elaborate party but she wasn’t about to rain on everyone’s fun. He was likely the most well-looked after toddler in the history of the Land Without Magic. And, to be honest, she kind of understood the town’s need to overcompensate the happy moments.  Henry and Neal should be at her place for the weekend now that school was out and her parents would’ve left town about an hour ago. Henry had grown into an even more responsible teen over time, and to no one’s surprise he was never seen without some sort of notebook. What did surprise Emma was that he never shared his work. Not once did she see the contents of his writing. She had even commiserated with Regina and they both interrogated August, to no avail.  Whatever he was writing was apparently top secret.

Double-checking her phone as she gathered her things, she just saw the confirmation text from Henry that they were home safely, an almost flippant “see you in a couple days!” from her mother, and an unnecessarily verbose (but poetic as hell) apology from Killian that he was running late.  She made the executive decision that it was definitely an ice cream day and made a point of getting a pint for each of them. After all, her parents would be gone for a couple days and her baby brother could actually keep a damn secret (he must take after her and David).  

~~ **…** ~~

Emma managed delicate act of balancing four pints of ice cream and removing her shoes, noticing the boys were not set up in front of the Xbox as she expected. Instead she heard a faint murmur coming from the back porch. It sounded a bit like Henry reading out loud. Emma grinned. She should’ve known her kid would choose reading stories over video games as a babysitter.

 “…you promised not to tell anyone. As long as you keep that promise, I’ll keep sharing, deal?”

“Deal!”

Wait, what? Emma paused, hidden from view of the French doors that led outside.  

“Alright. A Hero’s Journey, by Henry Mills. Once upon a time there lived a beloved princess and her brave prince in a magical land known as the Enchanted Forest.”

“Hen’y, you read me ‘Mma’s part of the story before. I wanna hear Killan’s part. And the end, and the end!”

Emma could feel the pout in her brother’s voice.  

Henry laughed, “your dad is going to be so mad someday when he hears that you’d rather hear Killian’s story over his.”

She slunk up beside the door to glance out. Sure enough, Henry and Neal were cuddled up on the swing, the mysterious notebook open between them.  No way.  

As Henry flipped forward half the book, Emma couldn’t get herself to move, to announce herself. She simply stood there transfixed as her son wove a tale of a pirate and a princess, beanstalks and ships, longing looks and dreadful separations.  

~~**…** ~~

Killian hastened to the door, eager to be back with his family for what was sure to be a grand weekend. Any chance to teach the youngling prince the ways of a pirate, and driving Dave mad in his attempts to outdo him.  

“Swan?”

He was mildly surprised to not see anyone upon entry so he picked his way through the rooms only to see his beloved collapsed beside the back doors.

“Emma! What’s wrong love?”  

She hurriedly waved him over, attempting to shush him. All he could see was tears streaming down her face but she smiled at him as he gathered her in his arms.  

“No, no, I’m ok. Just, just listen.”

Emma watched the confusion war on his features until he realized that Henry was reciting a part of some tale. “And as their lips touched, True Love’s Kiss broke the Saviour  free from the Darkness.”

Emma let out a hysterical laugh, crying even harder into Killian’s chest. He simply tightened his hand in her hair, both smiling through the tears.  

“Guys! What the hell!” Henry stood scandalized and bright red at the now open doors.

Neal wandered over to the dropped bag beside Emma and poked it open.  “Big sis brought icescream! And ruined it.”  

Laughter broke out through the house as they all rushed to clean up the melted ice cream.  Henry muttered to his mother as he went to throw out his pint, “this is so going in the book.”


	4. Ororo Munroe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cs writing challenge prompt: storm  
> Killian has discovered Marvel superheroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently my brain likes to be as contrary as possible. I had gone into this prompt assuming it'd be angsty...for all of three seconds. And then I was overridden by the rest of me.

Henry had managed to instill a love of comics in Killian Jones. Before she knew it, both her boys were spending their lunches comparing notes on the latest issues. Family dinners devolved into arguments with her father regarding the merits and detractions of various heroes. Not that Emma found the appeal hard to understand, just the opposite in fact. She remembered how sneaking copies of the X-Men had helped her through some of the tougher school and home transfers. Even though it was fiction, she almost felt like she wasn’t alone in feeling so separated and lost. Fairy tales had their place but superheroes honestly felt more relate-able from those beautiful, demure, useless princesses. Of course, now she knew differently. But it didn’t stop her from identifying with Rogue. The heartbroken teen, unable to live her life with real human contact. Emma had always felt as though her presence was toxic, something that Neal’s betrayal had only reinforced. She remembered her first night in Tallahassee, finally allowing herself to sob into the well loved pages of her Rogue origin comic. That was the last time she allowed herself to cry over him, the baby, and the life she lost. Well, until a whirlwind of a decade later.

Emma knew it was irrational but she couldn’t get help the tiny pricks of jealousy every time Killian and David got into their discussions. Not because she wanted to join in, it was far more fun to sit back and enjoy the show. But because, it was stupid, but Killian seemed enamoured of Storm. Beautiful, powerful, intelligent, socially accepted Ororo Munore. She knew, rationally, that it was ridiculous. After all, Storm, other than being fictional, was always someone she wished she could be like. All the logic in the world couldn’t stop the occasional wince as her boyfriend found yet another argument to win by touting Storm’s capabilities.  

After a particularly impassioned evening, she and Killian left Granny’s. Emma took a moment to rub her cheek on her boyfriend’s soft leather jacket as she wrapped her arms around one of his.  

“Love?”

“Mmm?” She nestled a little closer in to his warm presence.  

“Why do you wince when Dave and I debate over those illustrated heroes?”

Of course he had to notice.

“Ugh, just. Look, it’s stupid.” She didn’t need to look at him to know that he was raising a damn eyebrow in his “not buying it” expression.  “Well, ok. Why do you like Storm so much?”

Killian looked so bewildered, Emma nearly felt guilty for her involuntary insecurities.  

“How do you mean Emma, how could I not?”

She returned his incredulous expression with a laugh, “whoa, down there, fanboy.”

“First of all, love, you know full well I am far from a boy though I am always willing to provide …evidence,” he leered at her. “But more importantly, do you truly not see?”

Emma rolled her eyes as he intertwined their fingers.

“The Lady Ororo is strong, resourceful. She had loving parents but turned into a thief and survivor when she was thrust out on her own. She grew into a great beauty, revered as a goddess for her powers and compassion. She’s also the best leader the mismatched team of heroes could ask for. Cyclops is a bloody ponce, which we all know.”

She couldn’t help but giggle a little breathlessly at that. She hadn’t originally been sure where Killian was going with this but slowly his frequent verbosity regarding Storm was coming into sharper focus.  

“And, let’s not forget, she allowed an unaging fighter of unparalleled skill to protect her heart.” He grinned unabashedly at her. “Granted, you have been blessed with the good fortune as to have a far more handsome paramour than the Lady Ororo but she is fictional after all. And only a pale imitation of her real life counterpart.”

Emma couldn’t help the single tear that was rolling down as he finished. His gaze was nothing short of complete and utter adoration as he gently untangled their hands to brush her cheek. She may not be able to speak those three little words out loud to him yet, but she sure could kiss the life out of him before tugging him urgently down the street, back to his room at Granny’s.


	5. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cs writing challenge prompt: tomorrow  
> Killian has help against nightmares following Emma's disappearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really weird to think that we'll get new episodes soon. Ish. Closer now than before, anyway.

Her hands carded through his hair, her every touch sending sparks along his skin. Her lips moved against his own in a teasing, magnificent dance. He drew her into his embrace and molded her lithe body against his own. Who needed air when his Swan was in his arms? She pulled away gently, smiling at him so lovingly he thought his heart would leap from his chest.

“ _Tomorrow_.”

Killian awoke abruptly, tangled in his sheets. He leaned back into his bunk, pressing his palm into his eyes in an attempt to chase the dream while the Jolly creaked around him. He, Henry, and Dave had departed Storybrooke just seven days prior in search of Camelot. That first night he had dreamt of those last horrible moments as she was taken from them and seemingly endless emptiness afterward. But as the terrible dream stretched on, he had felt warm hands slid around his front, her face nuzzling between his shoulder blades, simply whispering “tomorrow,” as she peppered kisses along his back.

Each night she came to him and chased away the nightmares.

Each night turned into loving and longing.

And each night ended with a promise, “ _tomorrow_.”


	6. Paint Swatches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cs writing challenge prompt: yellow  
> Emma and Killian are looking for a good room colour.

 “Yellow.”

“What was that, love?”

“Yellow.”

Emma smiled fondly at her boyfriend’s confused expression.

“What,” she laughed, “do you have a problem with yellow, Captain?”

“Well it can be a bit of an abrasive colour inside of four walls, darling.” He raised an eyebrow challenging at her, heading towards the brighter section of paint.

She shrugged noncommittally. He shook his head ruefully.  

“Anything for you, love, “ he stated as he pulled her to him. “Even if it’ll mark our home for years to come.” Killian  placed a kiss into her hair that belied his teasing tone.

She shrugged again.  “I’ve just heard that it’s a good gender neutral colour for a baby’s room.”

“Wait, what? Emma?”

She walked down the aisle to the yellow swatches, hiding a mischievous grin.

“Emma!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remind me to never upload multiple chapters at once; it's simply tedious.  
> If you've read this far, thank you!  
> I hope they've at least brought a smile to your day. If for some reason you like the bizarre labyrinth my mind wanders in writing, I'm willing to try prompts over on tumblr. I can't promise much between work and the baby but I do love a challenge.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH.  
> Emma destroys the Darkness, forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't read this, just don't. I apparently hate life, puppies, rainbows, and all that is good in this world.   
> Also, there's no way this is actually going to happen, thankfully. It's just not how the show is written. But, as I stated, I apparently hate happiness.   
> No spoilers from the season 5 filming.

“Swa-“

She cut him off with a wave of her hand, her magic stealing his voice.

Killian watched helplessly as she continued to seal off all ways but one to the Vault of the Dark One. The Dark Swan glided as gracefully as ever around the clearing, wisps creating transparent pillars in her wake. He wrestled with his invisible bonds while she finished her preparations. He couldn't move his fingers, couldn't lift his legs, couldn't turn his head. His eyes flashing, he burned his stare into her. 

“ I have to do this. It's the only way.” 

He mutely attempted to shake his head. Damn her magic. She strode over to his paralyzed form.

“My heart can't be taken out and it has to be destroyed. But this will work, for once and for all.”

She gently caressed his clenched jaw. Against his will, he felt his face relax and soften into her touch. The eyes she had kept averted from his she finally raised to meet his gaze.

“I'd say you may hate me for this, but I know you,” Emma whispered. “You'll love me even as I do this, more, in fact.”

His eyes pooled with frustration and despair but he blinked the tears away as to not allow any barrier between them. She continued to trace the lines of his face as if she had all the time in the world.

“Oh how I wish I could kiss you right now.”

Killian couldn't help the spark of hope that lit up his eyes. She chuckled, shaking her head ruefully.

“True Love’s Kiss would’ve only broken me free, it wouldn't have destroyed this darkness.” He felt as if her were drowning in her soft voice. 

“It would be, you know. True Love’s Kiss? You tried it before and it didn't work so I know you don't believe me. But both people need to acknowledge it in order for it to work.” She let out sheepish laugh, “kind of hard to do if I don't remember you, right?”

Killian never thought he could die by words alone but his heart was breaking into a million pieces. If it weren't for her powers keeping him completely immobile, he surely would've collapsed by now. Bloody hell, forget being weak. He would grab her and never let go, never stop kissing her.

“And now that I've started opening the bridge, True Love’s Kiss would seal it faster… but it would take you along with me.”

More than anything that's what Killian wanted. Life without her be damned. He had already lived for centuries after one love, he couldn't handle losing another. He knew how life simply went on, but this time he couldn't. Not without his …True Love.

Emma stilled her pathway on his skin. She cupped the sides of his face, forcing him to focus on her and not on trying to futilely break free of her spell. 

“You can't,” she stated. “You have to survive. Henry. I need you to survive for Henry. I need to know that he has a father, that he has someone who loves him as much as I do. I need you to live, for him.”

She smiled wistfully. “I would make you promise but I…I can't let you speak. If I heard your voice, I would stay. I would never leave and I would let the darkness take me over until there was nothing left, just so I could stay with you. So I will trust to your ‘good form’ and your beautiful heart to keep this final request from me.”

His fingers twitched. 

She turned, moving all too quickly back to the place of her final act. She sealed the way behind her, the magic coalescing and shimmering as it shrunk in towards her. With one last look at him, she gripped the dagger above her heart.

“I love you, Killian.”

Emma disappeared and his heart burned to ashes as his body was finally allowed to move, not that he could. How long he stood there for, he didn't know but when the last wisp of magic winked out, he finally put one foot in front of the other. And again. Away from her last moments, away from her confession towards her final plea, and towards her son and his silent, now lifelong, promise. 


	8. Con Artist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For falcon-eye on tumblr.  
> Killian getting flinchy around David after the AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was quite fun and went rather super fluffy. Apologies for the lack of angst.

 

 

Emma noticed it a week or so after the Author had been thwarted. Her father joined the family for breakfast, having come off the overnight patrol. As he stepped to the table, clapping Killian on the back, she saw her boyfriend _wince_. And judging by her mother's faltering as she relayed the current class project, she noticed as well. The rest of the evening progressed fairly normally, until the check was dropped off. 

“Oh, we have this guys, don't worry,” Mary Margaret declared, sliding the paper over to her husband. David glanced at her and Emma watched the silent conversation shoot back and forth.

“Uh yeah,” David cleared his throat. “ Of course, our treat.”

“Well thanks mate. Shall we, love?”

Killian extended his hand to help Emma out of the booth. 

“I'll be home in a few hours. Henry is going to stay at Regina’s again so he can just finish up the project there, Mom.” 

Her parents nodded at her as Killian held out her jacket for her.

“You know what honey, take as long as you want. There's really nothing to rush back to if Henry won't be home. You deserve a night off.”

“O…k… Uh,” Emma shot them a puzzled glance, then shrugged. “Thanks.”

Killian raised an eyebrow at her and took her arm, shooting a grateful, if somewhat feral, grin at the Nolans.

 ...

The next time it happened, she and Killian were sorting their laundry together. He had been quite enamoured when she first introduced him to a washing machine, spouting poetry of how inventive this world was in lieu of magic. It became a weekly ritual for them, something sweet and domesticated that Emma had never expected in her life. He started grousing a bit about how quickly this realm’s shirts were worn through as he loaded the washer. Emma just sat on the dryer beside him, rolling her eyes. She looked up as David walked in and saw Killian give a start out of the corner of her eye as he greeted them. Her brow furrowed in confusion as her boyfriend sheepishly finished his activity before turning around. It didn't escape her notice that her father looked quite contrite as he tried to back away nonchalantly. 

Later, as they were folding laundry, he came back up to Killian.

“Hey, I kind of overheard your complaints earlier about your shirts getting ruined,” David began.

“Aye, mate. It seems this realm’s method of creating fineries isn't as durable as one would hope.”

“Well, uh, I kind of need some new shirts too, Mary Margaret’s been complaining, and we thought, I thought you could join me. I'd even buy you a few,” David stammered out.

Killian and Emma exchanged a confused look.

“Sure, Dave. That's awfully kind of you.” Killian scratched behind his ear awkwardly. 

As the men made plans to meet up, Emma couldn't help narrowing her eyes in suspicion. There was something going on here.

... 

It happened a few more times, just little things. Killian would be engaged in an activity or conversation, David would come up behind him, and Killian would _flinch_. Every single time. And then, oddly, her father would buy him a meal, or new clothes, allow him to take Henry off during their time with him or even give her the day off almost apologetically…

Her eyes lit up as she watched her mother ask after his favourite dessert simply because she “just felt like baking” and it all clicked. Emma waited until they were strolling back to the Jolly Roger to confront him. 

“So. How long are you going to milk this for?”

“Hm? Sorry, love?” 

Killian lifted a perplexed eyebrow at her, his sparking eyes betraying him. 

She tightened their joined hands, laughing.

“You sneaky bastard! You've been running my parents in circles, making them try to overcome their guilt for killing you. And don't you dare deny it!”

He gave her a wide grin.

“I don't know what you're talking about, Swan. Your parents are simply very gracious people. Perhaps this is their way of approving me as your suitor.”

Her laughter had them pausing as they reached the docks.

“You are such a pirate.”

“Aye, love.” He caught her waist with his hook, drawing her into him. “ _Your_ pirate.”

He distracted her from her protestations, capturing her lips between his own. 

Some hours later, Emma left the docks, her hair and clothes decidedly more rumpled than her arrival. While her pirate may have temporarily preoccupied her (so well though, so well), she still needed to do something about his con. As adorable as her parents were trying cater to his every whim, it really wasn't fair, nor nice. She was pretty sure her father would help put Killian in his place, it just required a quick stop to the costume store…

... 

The next night, Killian came by the loft for dinner. Emma sent him to the kitchen to help David with preparations as she settled back on the couch with Henry, picking her controller back up. She and her son, bumped shoulders grinning. Mary Margaret glanced up from Neal's changing table, trying to hurry in her task so she could watch the ensuing development.

David put Killian to work cleaning up the dishes already used and turned back to the stove. Emma tried as hard as she could to at least pretend to focus on the game, but she and Henry kept getting killed from being too distracted and giggly. Thankfully they didn't have to wait long. 

" **OI! BLOODY BUGGERING HELL!** "

There was a crash, and a loud splash. Emma and Henry whipped around. David was standing beside Killian, doubled over in laughter, still holding a rubber knife in his hand. Mary Margaret was shaking silently beyond them, staring at Killian's soap-covered, soaked form. It was obvious that her father had waited until Killian was elbow-deep in the sink, intent on his task before "stabbing" him in the back this time.

"Bad form, Dave!"

Emma just smirked as she and Henry strode over to the island. Mary Margaret stopped laughing long enough to take pictures of her sodden boyfriend and mocking father, to preserve this moment for all time.

"Pretty sure milking my parents for free food and goods out of guilt is 'bad form'," Emma grinned as she dragged him off to the bathroom to get cleaned up.


	9. Thug Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Born out of ouat discussions and auto-correct.  
> David is forced to take a police call on his night off after Hook cancels their plans and Emma is unreachable. Set in the six weeks before the QoD arrive.

David loved his family. He really, truly did. He didn't have enough words to express how he felt when he looked at his wife or held his children (not that Emma was much of a hugger, but she'd gotten better). Still, he couldn't get rid of the nagging disappointment that he was at home, cleaning up the dishes while Mary Margaret put the baby to bed, instead of out for drinks with Hook.   
He was quite aware of when the pirate transitioned from foe to tenuous accomplice, and then on to friend. He was a little less clear on when precisely Killian morphed from a drinking buddy to confidant and brother. All he knew is that they had made plans to go out, just the two of them, for an evening of alcohol, darts, and relaxation when Killian had called last minute to cancel.   
  
“Stupid pirates and their stupid ships. Stupid thing’s enchanted and it still needs repairs, what the hell.”  
“Honey? You're muttering loudly enough to wake the baby.”  
  
Mary Margaret shot him a glare that belied her singsong tone.  
Properly chastised, he kept his sulking to a silent pout and renewed his attack on the dishes with vigor.   
He was just finishing drying the last glass as the phone rang. Mary Margaret dashed to answer, managing to reach it before another ring was allowed.   
  
“Yes?”  
“No, Emma’s on duty. David has the night off.”  
“What do you mea-“  
“Regina, just try her cell. David has the night –“  
“Of course you tried her cell, I know. But she should be at the station.”  
“That's – but – huh. I don't know, Regina. Ok, look. I'll just send him.”  
“Ok.”  
“Yeah, sure.”  
  
At this point David felt like he was going to burst out of curiosity. Well, and maybe a bit out of amusement. His wife was not sounding pleased with Regina’s obvious impatience. It sounded like something “dire.” After four full weeks of peace and quiet, he had just started to believe that maybe Storybrooke would be a “normal” town again, or for the first time ever. And this is why he needed a night away from all obligations, he was thinking in quotations.   
  
Mary Margaret’s voice finally broke him out of his reverie.  
  
“- she caught an intruder and apparently can't get a hold of Emma to make the arrest.”  
  
He smiled consoling at her, desperately pretending that she'd had his full attention the entire time.   
  
"Don't worry, I'll go take a quick look. I'm sure it's nothing big. And Emma probably just left her phone at the station when she went out for a patrol or another call."  
"I know. It's just... We were having a nice, quiet evening. I could really get spoiled by this peace."  
  
David chuckled into her hair as he pressed a goodbye kiss to her temple.  
  
"I made you a cup of cocoa. Go, enjoy it while he's still asleep."  
  
Mary Margaret's eyes lit up and she dashed to the counter, her departing husband all but forgotten in her haste.   
  
\---  
  
David knocked at Regina's door. The first couple weeks after she and Robin parted things weren't...great. She was moody, withdrawn, and still reluctant to see even Henry some days. It had turned around recently though, to the point that he and Mary Margaret had even discussed her turning the Mayorship back over to her. Mary Margaret and Henry thought maybe the return to work would do her some good. Although maybe they should have an election? Like a normal town? David couldn't even remember the last true election the town had had; Emma's run for Sheriff had been the only one he knew of.   
Looking around at the meticulous landscaping he realized how nice it was to be at the former Evil Queen's house for something as mundane as arresting a trespasser. No seance for a woman his wife helped kill, no ill-conceived seduction attempts, just a good ol' B&E.  
  
"It's about time."  
  
David rolled his eyes as Regina let him step past her into the foyer.  
  
"Right, next time I'll just park myself outside your house on my night off."  
"No need to get all sassy, Charming. Just deal with the intruder."  
"What made you decide to call the police instead of just handling it yourself?"  
  
Regina huffed as she pushed past him towards the kitchen.  
  
"Even I'm not going to fireball a kid. Particularly not in my own home."  
"Right, can't risk hitting anything of valuable after all."  
  
She glared at him as she gestured pointedly.   
  
“Just do your job, _acting_ Sheriff. Arrest the vandal.”  
"I didn't mean to, I swear!" A young man's voice broke in.  
"What, so my curtains caught on fire all by themselves then?"  
  
David shook his head. Regina had evidently caught one of the former Lost Boys (Sam? Pat? Ugh, he couldn't remember any of their names right now. He wishes someone had warned him how much sleep deprivation affected cognitive abilities prior to having a child). She had him trussed up in one of the chairs; she was clearly in grave danger from this thug.  
  
“You said the curtains were…?”  
“On fire yes.”  
  
She huffed at his raised eyebrow.  
  
“I put them out of course. I wasn't about to let my house burn down.”  
  
He scrutinized the proffered object, seeing a tiny singe-mark above an abandoned cigarette.   
  
"But the curtains are beside the point," she waved dismissively.  
"And that is...?"  
"The point is that he broke into my home and started wrecking the place! If I didn't have magic, who knows what would've happened!"  
"Ah."  
  
David schooled his bemused expression into Official Police Business look as he turned to the former Lost Boy.  
  
“I didn't mean to, I swear,” the boy pleaded.  
“Alright, alright. Let's start with your name.”  
“Paul.”  
  
Ha! He was right! Nearly, sort of. David coughed.  
  
“Regina, if you could release him? I don't think we need all those. And vines aren't exactly regulation anyway.”  
  
She rolled her eyes in perfect synchronization to her hand movement. David couldn't help but wonder if she practiced in the mirror…  
Thankfully her irritability appeared to override her desire to speak. She gestured again, obviously impatient for his interrogation to begin. Right, the kid.  
  
“So. Paul. Why don't you tell me exactly what happened.”  
“I… I thought well, I was running and I was looking behind me so I didn't see the bush which meant I barreled into it and thedoorwasopensoIwentflyingin and mysmokeleftmyhandand Ihadjustlititsoitwasstillreallyhotand ithitthecurtainsand I'm really really really sorry.”  
  
David glanced at Regina and was thankful that her expression seemed to mirror his own bewilderment. Paul could apparently talk quite fast. And in tongues maybe, David wasn't sure he understood more than two words of that explanation.   
  
“Whoa. Ok. Kid, let's back up a bit.”  
  
David placed a hand tentatively on the boy's shoulder.   
  
"Alright, first, breathe. In and out... there you go."  
  
Paul seemed to relax a little, the terror settling down although his eyes still kept darting towards the back door as if he were expecting someone else to come rushing in.  
  
"Let's try this again. From the beginning, maybe?"  
  
\---  
  
"I had just wanted a smoke. I mean, the fairies don't like it when we, I mean, it's but. Yeah," Paul coughed nervously, withering under the scrutiny.  
"Right, I just wanted a quiet place to...be. Walking through town and there seemed to be someone everywhere I went.  
A bunch of the dwarves were hanging out behind Granny's, I thought I found a spot along the fence here but then a wolf went running by so...so I hopped the fence."  
  
Regina glowered disapprovingly, but held her tongue.  
  
"I thought I finally had a place I could just sit for a spell when I heard giggling.  
It was Captain Hook and Emma arguing about something but not really arguing you know?  
She was trying to hold an apple out of his reach, something about her having stolen it first and he started uhh...you know..."  
  
The boy trailed off, waiting expectantly. David just shook his head confusedly.  
  
"No, I don't know. And I'm still not sure how this is leading to how you came barging in to Regina's house."  
  
"Uh," Paul glanced over that the former Queen. She returned his look after staring blankly at David. For the life of him he couldn't figure out why she was acting like he should know where this story was going.  
  
"Um, well. Ok. He, uh, Captain Hook had her against the tree and started to make his way down her...um...and...long story short, I snapped a twig and they both saw me. Emma dropped the apple and was too busy trying to re...do but the captain was brandishing his hook at me and I, I panicked."  
  
David had no idea why the kid was beet red, nor why Regina looked like she was trying to not burst out laughing.  
  
"Okay," he attempted to make sense of the story. "So you're telling me that you accidentally broke into Regina's house because Hook threatened you because you caught him WAIT A SECOND WHAT-"  
  
Regina roared as David barreled out of the house, the Lost Boy left behind in his wake.  
  
"Ha! I knew he'd get there eventually. Tell you what kid, you're all set to go. That was more than worth a singed curtain."  
  
\---  
  
David had no recollection of how he got from Regina's to the docks but sure enough, he could see his daughter and mate (former mate, no longer mate, betrayer) snuggled up on a bench. He slammed the car into park and tried to open the door angrily but the affect was a little ruined when he had to fight to open it.  
The couple looked up curiously as he came stalking over.  
  
“You ditched me to play hooky with my daughter?!”  
  
Emma opened her mouth as if to explain but shut it quizzically. Killian shared her expression of confusion before looking a bit contrite.  
  
"Well, aye, mate. I -"  
"Oh no, don't you 'mate' me. You don't get to be my 'mate' anymore! Not after saddling me with work on my night o- wait a sec. No, no, not you. _You_."  
  
Emma was caught somewhere between a flinch and a grin as she slowly disentangled her legs from their position...you know, David didn't really want to know what their former position was.  
  
"You left work and weren't answering your cell just so you could go...canoodle with a pirate?"  
"Sorry, Dad. I left my phone in the car. It's not like there's been anything recently and I was doing a patrol initially ...   
Uh, Dad?"  
  
The horizon swayed angrily as Emma tried to explain or apologize. He wasn't sure which. Wait, maybe it wasn't the horizon that was swaying.   
  
“Just how sleep deprived are you, exactly?”  
  
David blinked at her. When had she gotten next to him? Did she sound...worried? And why was there two of her? Emma didn't have a twin, he was the one with a twin...  
As he slumped forward into her arms, he felt a hook come around the other side to assist in getting him upright.  
He was vaguely aware of instructions and concern going back and forth around him.  
  
"You're no' my mate anymore, mate. You ditched me to snog my daugh'er and that's jus' no' fair. I wanted darts game."  
  
Emma and Killian bundled him into the back of his car, David's head finally slumping forward as exhaustion finished overtaking his outrage. The couple just sighed simulatenously and climbed into the front.   
  
"Hey Mom."  
"Yeah, he found me. Looks like you were right about his needing to sleep..."  
"I'm sorry! I had my phone in the car, what are the odds that this is the one night we actually get a call?"  
"I know, I'll make it up to him, I promise. But it seems like Killian's the one he's madder at."  
  
Emma's laugh broke through the fog of his fatigue. He loved hearing his girl laugh. She deserved to be happy.  
  
"Apparently they're not 'mates' anymore, in fact."  
"Oi, love. He'll come 'round. He just needs to sleep it off."  
"Yeah, good luck dealing with overprotective father mode when he does....what? Oh nothing Mom, just talking to Killian."  
  
Emma coughed quickly.   
  
"We'll be there in about 5, bye."  
  
David thought the moving was nice. Nice and moving. Moving is nice. And the street lights looked so pretty as they move with the car. Maybe it was that they felt pretty, he wasn't sure his eyes were open anymore. Maybe they weren't able to.  
As the car stopped gently, David tried to curl into the seat further.  
  
"Oh no you don't, mate. Come on. Up we go."  
  
Killian pulled and pushed at David, managing to get him more or less upright and out of the car.   
The pirate quietly encouraged the prince up the stairs to the loft, nearly carrying him along. Emma skirted around them once they reached the entrance to get the door open, snickering as David's head lolled onto Killian's shoulder affectionately.  
  
"Didn't mean it ya know."  
"Of course not, mate."  
"That's what I mean! You are still my mate. Was jus' mad that you lie, lying to me. Don't lie to your mate, mate."  
"Ah, of course. You have my sincerest apology, Your Highness."  
  
Emma could barely stop shaking long enough to get the key in the lock. Eventually she let them into the apartment and Killian led David directly to bed as Emma went to share in the amusement with her mother.   
  
"Ah, wait a tic, mate. Don't want your wife having my head if you put those boots in the bed."  
"Good idea man. Don' want head losing."  
"Aye, there we go. Just down like that... good man."  
"Hey, Hook? You're a good friend, Hook. Good Hook."  
  
David's yawns and near immediate snoring drowned out the rest of his rambling.  
Killian emerged from behind the curtain looking nearly as tired as David had been. He crossed over to the women and let Emma lean back into his arms.  
  
"You want to go to bed too, Mom? You've got to be at least as tired as Dad is."  
"And risk having him say Hook's name as he snuggles into me? Hell no."  
  
Emma's sharp laughter and Killian's sputtering rang through the kitchen, with a quick response of a baby's cry. All three groaned as the little prince made his displeasure at being awoken known.  
  
"You know, on second thought, I'll chance it."  
  
Emma huffed good-naturedly as her mother darted into the bedroom and made her way to her brother's crib.  
  
\---  
  
In the morning, David opened his eyes to discover he actually felt...rested. He stretched contentedly and noticed that Mary Margaret was also still in bed. He looked at the clock baffled. There's no way the baby would've let them sleep in...  
He darted out of bed. He wasn't in his crib, where was he, what on earth -   
Before he could take a step beyond the bassinet, he spied his daughter curled up on the couch fast asleep and her pirate singing softly to a very awake infant.  
As the panic dissipated, he felt the remaining anger from the previous night leave with it. It was kind of hard to stay mad at his best mate when he let him and his wife have a full night's sleep for the first time in weeks. Even if he was dating his daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be pure crack. I think it probably turned a little too realistic, I blame my own infant's teething.


	10. Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shortest angst I will ever write.

He took her hand and forced something into it.

“What’s this supposed to be?”

Her voice was still cold, still had that edge of apathy and the underlying icy rage.

“It’s my heart, Swan.”

“I can see that. Why in hell is it in my hand?”

Killian just stared at her softly, tears unshed.

“It’s yours, love. It has been for a while.”

He gently closed her fingers around the glow.

“And if you have no need of it, Emma, neither do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry.


	11. True Love's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a make up fic from the previous transgression. Also tiny.

Killian’s body crumpled as he absorbed the Dark magic. She felt her entire being shudder as he fell on the ground before her.  

“No no no no no.”

The words left her lips, a frantic stutter through the air. 

“Killian please. No, no Killian, no. Please no.” 

She knelt by his side in time to see his eyes light up one last moment at her presence before they glazed over. Pleas and denials were still falling unconsciously from her as she caressed his face. 

“Killian, please. Please, you can’t leave me. Please.”

She placed her forehead on his, noses brushing. 

“I love you, Killian.”

As her mouth grazed his, she felt warmth returning to her limbs. Sunlight and love coursed through her body, driving the darkness out before them. Finally freed tears streamed down her face as she stayed fused with her lover. After what felt like a blissful eternity, she lifted her head cautiously. 

“It’s about bloody time.”

Her laughter rang bright through street as he toyed with a strand from her loosening bun. 

“Next time don’t stand on ceremony, aye?”

His smile was nearly blinding as he drew her back down.


	12. Skating Rinks and Gentlemen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bday fic for Zengoalie.
> 
> Emma accidentally runs into a handsome stranger during a quiet skate, literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did try to make this fun and a bit of fluff in the midst of Dark Swan season for you, Amy. I hope it worked.

Emma hummed along with her earphones, enjoying the zen like moment of doing up her laces. When she apprehended the “misguided” bail jumper a decade ago, she never knew how well that would turn out for her and her son. Turned out the person who put up the other part of the bail was the estranged  father who most importantly had a chronic soft spot for little boys and owned a hidden treasure of a skating rink. The older Italian gentleman had sought her out to extend his personal gratitude, saw her son hiding behind her legs and the rest was history. 

Now her son was addicted to the ice, joining youth hockey and allowing her the distinct honour of four and five am wake up times for practices. When she had discovered her pregnancy in that cell, she would never have been able to imagine that her life would be so good just a short few years later. Now if only her son would stop haranguing her to start dating again.

It’s not like she was lonely, she mused, stepping out on to the ice. She and Henry had a great life and why mess that up by adding in some guy they didn’t need? 

Well, ok sure. It might be nice to hang out with some males that were older than fourteen or not the odd forty-something father. And it could even be nice to not have to impose on Granny or Ruby with last minute requests to look after Henry so she could finally catch the latest perp. 

As Emma finished her warm up and began her workout in earnest, she tried to let her mind slide back into the serene state of earlier. It kept betraying her though, trying to get her to think of the last time she had something flesh and blood in her, not plastic. It’s not like one-night stands are all that easy to pull off as a single mother. And now that she was in her early thirties, most of the guys interested in a single night ended up with a lot more baggage attached then she wanted out of a meaningless fling. That and she was surprised about how often they didn’t seem to know what they were doing.

Growing frustration with her own train of thought (and burgeoning need) she buried her face in her hands, letting herself glide forward.

Through the music she thought she heard some sort of muffled shout and next thing she knew she was colliding with something hard and warm before tumbling to the ice.

“Ow…”

Maybe she wasn’t precisely on the ice as she stared disoriented at the denim legs beneath her arms. As the reality of her position sank in, she scrambled away from the person she inadvertently plowed over, managing to slice her hand on his skate in her haste.

Yes, his.

Blue eyes, impossible eyes, beneath dark tousled hair stared at her, mouth a bit agape still from their fall. She shouldn’t have looked at his mouth. Too late she realized she had been staring and quickly looked away as she tore the buds from her ears and crawled over to the wall. Her face began burning as she could feel his amused stare.

“You alright there, love?”

“Not your love. And yeah, fine.”

The irritatingly handsome man continued to make things worse as he stood up to reveal a killer body to go with his stupid face and artful scruff. Emma huffed as she also maneuvered up, trying to keep from putting too much pressure on her injured hand.

He furrowed his brow and came closer.

“No, you’re not. Your hand, it’s cut. Let me help you.”

“No, it’s fine, Just-”

“No, it’s not.” 

He gently grabbed her wrist as she tried to pull away from him.

“Let me see it.”

She rolled her eyes at his obvious advance into her personal space as he grabbed the scarf he’d been wearing.

“Next you’ll tell me that you’re being a gentleman.”

“I’m always a gentleman. That and Marco would kill us should you leave blood stains upon his precious boards.”

He shot her a cheeky grin as he let go of her wrist to wind the scarf around her cut. As he leaned down to pull the knot tight she realized his other hand was unyielding and hard against her forearm. Before she could glance down to figure out that mystery, he caught her eyes and winked, very slowly drawing the knot tight with his teeth, the fabric held softly between the lips that had fascinated her earlier.

She managed an unreasonably difficult gulp as he let go of her hand.

“Killian. Killian Jones, at your service.”

Shit.


	13. From The Horse's Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5x04: A horse takes Killian and Emma to a beautiful, albiet waterless and inedible, meadow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I, apparently, don't write smut but I do write crack!fic from a horse's POV.
> 
> A very belated bday present for brooke-to-broch

The mare shifted her weight as the two humans dismounted off her back. That had been a nice, refreshing canter. At least at first. Thankfully the heavier human seemed to know that carrying two humans was a tough task and drew them to a stop shortly after she was really hoping for it.

  
She swished her tail gratefully as it was freed from beneath the white one's cloak. The dark one pulled her off in to the meadow and she found herself with nothing to do. She tried nibbling a bit, but these flowers, while perfectly fragrant, gave a strange taste to the grass. She sniffed around for some water (that had been a particularly strenuous run) and could not find a hint of any nearby. She huffed a bit.  The humans were clearly not paying attention to her needs. Instead, they were locked in some sort of embrace.

  
The mare stayed patiently for a bit but long moments stretched on as the light and dark ones grew more and more intertwined. She sighed as their trappings were shed on the surrounding ground and their noises grew louder. Now she was bored. No food, no water, humans doing human things...this was boring.

  
Although, the male one hadn't tethered her. Great, now she could go find water. She was reasonably certain she could hear some sort of water rushing not too far off. She picked her way through the meadow, heading towards a small patch of trees and what could be sparkling water near by.  

  
Before pushing her way through the underbrush, she heard a loud cry from the female human and looked over. She shook out her mane restlessly when she saw that the male had apparently fallen, landing his face between her legs. The moans the mare now heard were anything but concerning so she continued on her mission to finally get a drink.

  
She whinnied a bit as she broke out from the trees, miraclously not getting snagged on any errant branches. Water, at last. She reached the river and ducked her face in anxiously. Cool current washed over her nose as she drank eagerly.

  
It was quite a fine day out. Trotting a bit, she spied a small patch of grass just downstream. This was much better, and rather delicious too. Her thirst and minor hunger now sated, she realized the remaining grass would do quite well for a good roll. She dropped her knees and sighed with satisfaction as the ground helped scratch some of the sweat off her back, even with the saddle most uncomfortably in the way.

  
The saddle, right. Humans. She had nearly forgotten about her riders until that moment. The sun had dipped quite a distance at this point and she was surprised to realize that they hadn't come searching for her yet.

  
She reluctantly got up and traced her steps back to the inedible, waterless meadow she had left the humans in. Breaking back through the trees, she saw the light one riding astride the dark one, both still moaning as before.

  
The mare sighed. She settled in and prepared herself to be bored for quite a while longer, and waited.

  
And waited.  
  



	14. A Picket Fenced Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5x05 after Emma attempts to see Henry but Regina and Henry have already seen the memory from the dreamcatcher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shout out to my angst angel, Ael_tRlailiiu! She had the audacity to melt my cold, dead heart so I had to tear it out. And apparently take a few others with it (sorry not sorry).

She swept back into the garage, her ability to rage properly at Regina curtailed by the need to ensure her son doesn’t know the truth.

The motions of whittling now second nature take over her hands as she allows her mind to ride through the anger and out into sorrow. Pushing her true loves away has taken more of a toll than she ever had dreamed.   
Her hands still and she realizes she had completed yet another.

Yearning to see Killian fighting for her, for them, she directs the dreamcatcher to show the heroes’ excursion to her house. She gets no further than Belle suggesting Henry’s likely entry capability before her tears break through the magic.

Killian thought she wouldn’t allow him in. He thought that she would deny him entry to his own home.

And she learns that no matter how broken a heart was, it could always shatter further.


	15. Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a speculative fic for the series finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not something I think will happen, but I definitely wanted to do a Lost-esque scene or two.

Emma stood defiantly, husband at her side. She could hear her son chuckle as the evil creature loomed overhead, her father making a snide comment to her mother.

She grinned cheerfully, causing the malicious determination to drain from the villain's stance.

"Your choice," Killian quipped beside her. "Either you tell us what love you've lost and we help you, or my stunning wife here defeats you, then helps you anyway." 

Emma couldn't stop the blush from spreading across her cheeks even as she attempted a stoic facade. The monster began to growl and - warm lips pressed against her own. The sudden departure from battle quickly melted into sleepy pleasure as a talented tongue danced with her own and she tried to tug its owner down to the bed.

"Nah uh, darling. The lad and I prepared quite a birthday feast for you. You shall not lure me back into bed."

Emma pouted in his direction before attempting to open her eyes. Blinking blearily, she ignored the proffered cup of coffee to squint at the clock.

"Killian, it's 7:15," she groaned.

“Aye, love. That it is.”

“In the morning.”

Killian chuckled as he set the mug on the nightstand. She glared at him as he used his now empty hand to pull her free of the blankets. 

“Perhaps Henry and I just wish to make this your most memorable birthday yet.” 

She sat up as she linked her hands behind his head, coaxing him closer. 

She nudged her nose against his enticingly, “is that so?” 

“Mmhmm…”

Emma felt the surge of triumph as he tangled his hand in her hair and she began slowly lowering them back down.

“Killian! Is Mom awake yet? Please tell me you two didn’t start getting all...ugh. You promised!”

They broke apart, laughing, as her son called out impatiently from the kitchen. 

“I told you, he’s a bit excited. We’ve quite the docket for today.” 

She gave him a lascivious smirk as he offered her the cup once more.

“It better include plans for after dark, pirate.”

“Pirate, eh?”

She breathed in the coffee before taking a large satiating sip.

“Oh yeah. I was having the weirdest dream when you woke me up…”

Emma started describing her dream as Killian led her to where Henry was visibly bouncing up and down waiting for them. She stopped mid-sentence, mouth agape. The counters were covered in...everything. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, fruit, french toast, the table was set with the nice serveware, gorgeous flowers, and to top it off, the entire place was clean. The only evidence that they had done this themselves was the one pan left in the drying rack. 

Killian let her hand drop and took her mug to place at the head of the table. He grabbed her plate and began filling it with a bit of everything as she shook off the surprise to pull her son in for a hug.

“This is gorgeous, kid. I can’t believe you guys pulled this off.”

Henry beamed back at her, red staining his cheeks.

“It’s not every day you turn 35, Mom.”

He urged her to her seat, “I’m still surprised you didn’t wake up. I was terrified that you’d hear us and get up before we were done. But Dad swore you were out ‘like a light.’”

Emma looked over at her husband quickly, the red tips of his ears betraying him even with his back turned. Although she doubted the flush was due entirely to his (thankfully missed) allusions to their extended activities the previous night, but to Henry’s use of “Dad.”

“I hope you’re hungry, love. I fear we may have gone a tad overboard.”

She raised an eyebrow at the laden plate Killian placed in front of her.

“Uh… ‘a tad’? How much do you think I eat, exactly?” She glanced up at the teenager filling his own plate even more than the one in front of her. “Although...I’m not sure we’ll have to worry about extras.” 

“Oi, lad! Save enough for the other guests.” Killian teased. 

Henry didn’t bother to respond other than pointedly turning and shoving an entire strip of bacon in his mouth, chewing emphatically.

“So, other guests?”

Killian nodded as grabbed his own plate. “Dave and Mary Margaret and the little lad will be here shortly, of course. Regina and Robin have requested to host the early part of the evening with what I believe amounts to the rest of the town.”

Emma wasn’t sure whether she should be honoured everyone was so excited to celebrate with her or to wish she could have a little time to herself. Her boys exchanged a knowing glance.

“Don’t worry Mom. After breakfast, we’re all going to the docks. We thought, since it’s still really nice out, we could go sailing one last time this year.” 

“Something nice and relaxing before the festivities, aye?”

They knew her so well. The arrival of the Nolans, constant chatter of the table, and as much flirting as Killian could inject fully dismissed any remnants of the dream. 

As they got ready to head out, Emma bumped into the coffee table, knocking over the book Henry had been working on for weeks. She bent to pick it up and noticed he’d finally written a title on the faux leather cover, “Once Upon A Time”. She caressed the book softly, creaking it open.

“Mom! Come on! We don’t want to miss the tide!”

Henry interrupted her before she could really start perusing his book. Guiltily she put the book back on the table and hurried after her family.

As the door shut behind her, a breeze snuck in a forgotten window and danced across the room. The story book flew open at its touch and began to flutter through, revealing images of Emma and her loved ones as the heroes of many tales: she and Killian galloping across a flowery meadow, David waking Mary Margaret with a kiss of True Love, Regina throwing a fireball as a Fury tried to take Robin, and Henry himself at the helm of a ship. The pages slowed and seemed to pause on the final page as the voices receded out of range.

 

“And they lived Happily Ever After.  
The End.”


	16. The Folly of Trusting a Pirate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Nimue learns what happens when one trusts a pirate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can thank my angst angel for this drabble.

Nimue’s eyes glittered in the Storybrooke streetlight. Killian felt his lips curl up as well, watching the smug grin twist her green skin. She turned towards him, triumphant.

“We’ve won. The Darkness will finally snuff out the Light.”

“Well now, you see, love,” he toyed with his hook, savouring the moment. “While I’m quite sure that would be all fine and such, I’d much prefer my revenge.”

“And you shall have it. Your crocodile will be dragged back to the hell from whence he came with the rest of the unfortunate souls.”

Killian laughed as the satisfied expression slipped from Nimue’s face. “Oh I’ve had my revenge on the man. His wife has seen him for the coward he is, and left him again. The last remnant of his son knows his lust for power trumps all else and those whose lives he toyed with now have all the power he never will again.”

He turned towards the Dark One, reveling in her furrowed brow and pursed lips. He tapped his hook against his chin thoughtfully.

“No, no, no. I need my revenge on the Dark One now,” he leered at her.

There was panic in her eyes when she heard footsteps behind him and saw Emma over his shoulder. Tears were shining in the Saviour’s eyes even as she grimaced and thrust Excalibur in Killian’s back. He simply smirked at Nimue as she clutched at her chest, staring down at the blade that pierced them both.

Even as the screams of all the other Dark Ones rang out through Storybrooke and blood poured from his wound, he winked at her.

“And that, milady, is why they teach you to never trust a pirate.”


	17. Doctor Who Xmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> charmingturkeysandwich just HAD to make a comment about her icon of antlered Killian and a DW crossover.  
> So this happened.

The first time she saw him, he had those ridiculous, stuffed antlers on his head complete with tiny bells and red ribbon.

 

The second time she saw him, he was wearing the stupid antlers again but the blue of his eyes stopped her in her tracks.

 

The third time she saw him, she was somehow more prepared to see a grown man with eyes like a cloudless sky, a perfect jawline...and antlers on his head.

 

The fourth time she saw him, she couldn’t help the smile as he caught her eye and winked, as if antlers were the ultimate in flirty accessories. And when the person in front of him moved aside, well she couldn’t stop laughing as she continued on her way. This year’s addition was a bright red nose in the middle of that otherwise perfect face.

 

The fifth time...he wasn’t there. Emma didn’t even realize she had stopped outside the soup kitchen at first. The snow had just begun to fall and the streets were calm for this Christmas Eve. Four years in a row she walked this path, on her way to volunteer at the women’s shelter across the street. Four years living in this city. Four years of seeing a fully grown man with twinkling eyes, brilliant smile, and distracting body pulling off the hideous headband like no one else could. Before she could stop herself, she walked in, shaking the snowflakes off her jacket. 

Before she could approach anyone, a melodic voice called from the side entrance, “Sorry, so sorry I’m late! You’d think it impossible really, wouldn’t you? But here I am, late.”

An accent. A glorious, enchanting accent. The man came barrelling through the door, donning the antlers and nose even as another apology to the volunteers and some nonsensical story spilled from his lips. Did he seriously just say something about Victorian London and the “furthest reaches of the galaxy” in the same sentence? 

He stopped dead when he looked up to see her. The antlers were lopsided and the nose was falling off and he simply gaped at her. Relief that poured out of her at seeing him again, and she instinctively crossed over to him. She returned his dazzling smile with a mocking smirk and reached up to fix his headband. 

“Can’t have the soup kitchen’s reindeer with improperly placed antlers.”

“Indeed not, love.” He took her hand and bowed to give it a kiss.

She couldn’t help the blush that started. “Swan, Emma Swan.” 

“Lovely name, Emma Swan. I’m the Doctor.”

“‘The Doctor’? Doctor who?” She raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t quite sure why she had expected a straightforward answer from a man that had such horrible taste in holiday attire.

“Tell you what Emma, if you truly wish to know, meet me outside here at midnight.”

His tone was teasing but the look in his eyes was nothing short of pleading. He still had yet to let go of her hand and she couldn’t help but not want him to. She found herself nodding and left as quickly as she could, not looking back.

 

Midnight approached as Emma helped the newest mother settle in with her six month old son. Moments like these simultaneously healed the pain of long ago and amplified it. She had decided earlier to ignore the ‘Doctor’s’ invitation and head home per usual until the young woman gave her a bone-crushing hug as she went to leave. Maybe being alone was overrated.

The snow had stopped as she walked back towards the soup kitchen. Before she could reach it, she saw him leaning outside a blue Police box in the alley beside. What the heck was a Police box?

He sprang forward, obviously hopeful at her appearance.

“I wasn’t sure you’d show love, but I certainly had hoped.” 

“Right,” she crossed her arms. “So?” 

“Direct to the point, eh lass? Well then. How would you like to journey through time and space with me?”

“That is ...the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard. And here I thought your antlers were bad.”

“Oi!” He gripped them possessively. “I happen to know these are very fetching, thank you very much.”

“Who on earth told you that,” she laughed.

He sauntered into her space, a gleam in his eyes. “They fetched you, didn’t they?” 

She couldn’t help but stare up at him. The idiot had a point. Damn it.

He stepped back before she could adjust to his proximity and gestured towards the blue box. “I promise you, I speak nothing but the truth and have no ulterior motive.” He pushed the door open to let her see inside, “Take a leap of faith, darling.”

She glared at him a moment before stepping up to the entrance. She stared for a while before turning to stare at him. He simply grinned at her and walked past. She followed cautiously into the bright room in front of her.

“Well love?”

“...It’s bigger on the inside. Ok then.”  

  
Emma didn’t know exactly what was going on, who this ‘Doctor’ was, nor how the heck his weird box was not really a box, but she did know that whatever his abilities, a man that thought fuzzy, bedazzled antlers were a good fashion choice could not be trusted alone with them.


	18. Captain Charming gift exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kat2609 asked for: how about a little something fluffy (because December seems like the time for fluff) with some gift giving? Maybe Captain Swan, maybe Dave has some making up to do Captain Charming wise?
> 
> So she is receiving 2.5K+ words of CS, Captain Charming, Captain Cobra, post-Underworld fluffy nonsense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got very out of hand. And has sort of smut in it? Implied smut? Yes, that.

Mary Margaret bustled around the living room, her assembly line for present-wrapping both impressive and indecipherable. David tried to figure it out as he worked on dishes but gave up fairly quickly. He knew he couldn't spare the energy to be amazed at his wife’s organizational skills and clean, not when the baby was actually down for the night. Occasions like this served as a reminder that their kingdom did not stop growing, even away from the Enchanted Forest. 

“Alright, Emma, Henry, Regina, Roland, Robin, Tink, Ruby and Mulan, Aurora and Philip, … honey, what does Killian want for the holidays?” 

“Hm? I don't know.” 

“He hasn't mentioned anything recently?”

“Ah, no. I haven't seen him,” David tried to focus intently on getting the plates really, really clean.

“I thought you were meeting up with him and Robin last night.” 

“Right. That. I mean, yeah, I was going to. But Emma seemed really tired and I'm a little worried she’ll end up sick if she doesn't let up every now and again. So I sent her home and stayed at the station instead.”

Mary Margaret squinted at him suspiciously. Before bringing Killian back from his wrongful death, David would've never missed a chance to hang out with the reformed villain. All in the spirit of “making sure he was sticking to the path of the hero,” of course. Not because he was really fond of the man that held their daughter’s heart or anything. 

She shrugged and turned back to the box she had been attempting to cram too many things into. “Well if you could just ask him next time? Any clue would be helpful; I have no idea what to get a centuries old pirate that keeps marveling at how he has more than he ever wished for.”

“If I see him, sure,” David stammered. “Things have been really busy and I'm sure he just wants to be left alone for a bit.”

“David, what is going on –“

“Oh hey, we’re out of soap,” he interrupted swiftly. In no time flat, he had dried his hands, grabbed his jacket, and kissed her cheek on the way to the door. “Text me if you see anything else we need while I'm out!” 

She glared after him. What was up with him? She took her phone out, she was going to get to the bottom of this.

“Hey Emma? Something's going on with your father and I need your help finding out what.”

***

“Sure, Mom. Yeah, of course. Love you too.”

Emma hung up and dropped the phone on the coffee table.

“Everything alright, love?”

She curled up beside him, carding her fingers through his hair as he caressed circles on her thigh.

“You tell me.” Killian quirked an eyebrow at that. She sighed, “ Mom says Dad’s been avoiding you?”

“Ah,” his movements stilled. “It's nothing, darling, I'm afraid your trek through the Underworld has stirred up your father’s less than amiable feelings towards me is all.”

She tucked her head under his chin and snuggled into his chest as much as she was able. In the warm glow of the lamps, it was hard to remember that desolate place properly. Not that she wanted to. Not when he was here with her, whole and alive and home. Emma was a little confused by the hurt he tried to hide though; what on earth was going on between David and Killian? She resolved to confront her dad about that later, for now she’d focus on the other task her mother gave her.

“Hey, what do you want for the holidays?”

He leaned back into the couch to give her wandering hands better access to his very open shirt.

“Hm? Oh yes, the winter festivities. Whatever is fine, love. I don't desire any more than what's currently in my arms.”

“Ugh,” Emma groaned. “Come on, there has to be something, anything my parents could get you.”

She looked up in time to see the predatory gleam in his eyes.

“I'm fairly certain that it's bad form to ask anything of the parents of the woman I'm about to ravish.”

“Killi—“

He pounced on her lips, pushing her back into the cushions. She couldn't find it in herself to argue the issue further. Not when his legs pressed between hers and his hook slipped along her back and under her waistband…

***

Emma heard soft voices in the kitchen as she descended for breakfast.

“What're you gonna get Grandpa though?”

“I'm not sure, lad.”

“Oh come on, you found the perfect thing for Belle, Grandma is going to love hers, and Mom is not going to know what hit her. I can't believe you don't have anything in mind.”

Emma slowed her pace. She wanted to hear more about her present, but she'd settle for a little more insight into Killian's evasiveness around her father.  

“Well, I had been thinking perhaps my flask.”

“But, but you always have it on you. You keep it next to the bed when you sleep!”

Emma could hear him fiddling with it even now, actually. Hell, _she_ would miss that flask.

Killian chuckled at what she guessed was Henry’s flabbergasted expression.

“Indeed. It's not much of a tale, suffice to say I intend for it to be a measure of how much I've changed.”

“You told me you've had it since your first days as a pirate, there’s got to be more to it than that.”

Emma quickly covered her mouth as to muffle any inadvertent noises. Now was not the time to be questioning how, precisely, Henry knew so much about Killian’s alcohol. She heard them moving about the kitchen again, the sound of breakfast being dished out and placed on the table making  her mouth water. She was about to enter when he began speaking again.

“When my brother passed, well, I’ve told you before of the straitlaced lieutenant who abhorred rum and detested pirates. The first item I purchased after our inaugural plunder was this flask.”

Henry laughed, “you purchased it? You really were a bad pirate!”

“Oi, lad, everyone has to start somewhere. But this flask replaced a brother. I figured your grandfather may not appreciate gaining a son-in-law, but I had been hopeful he’d be willing to obtain a brother. Or at least lessen the acrimony between us.”

“ I don’t really think Grandpa hates you. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I don’t think that’s it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Emma wasn’t sure if she should be outraged that Killian felt David hated him, touched by the gift’s sentiment, or crying over the lieutenant of long ago and Liam now that she’s met him. The sound of cutlery began hitting plates, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Hey Killian, why’d you set Mom’s plate already?”

“Because she’s been listening at the door for a while, I figure her stomach would overrule the desire for eavesdropping sooner than later.”

She wrinkled her nose at him as she ducked around the corner. Even the irresistible pull of bacon couldn’t stop her from giving a very thorough morning kiss to her True Love. For a little bit anyway, and definitely not as long as he would’ve liked. But much to Henry’s relief, judging by the mutters coming from his direction.

***

David shifted the baby ever so slightly to a more comfortable position on his chest. And held a sigh of relief when his son simply snuggled in further and didn’t wake up. Mary Margaret kept humming some tune as she sorted through more boxes. One day he’d know what was in each. She smiled at something and came over to join him on the couch.

“So I talked to Emma earlier,” she started. He looked at her expectantly, the strange smile still on her face. “Do you hate Ho-- Killian?”

He nearly jerked, internally cursing that she managed to catch him while he was unable to flee.

Gritting his teeth, “No. Of course not.”

“Then why have you been avoiding him?” She began massaging his neck gently even as he looked away, chagrined.

“I haven’t! I,” she stopped her motions, glaring at him. “Fine ok. Yes, I have been. You saw the Underworld, you’ve seen all he’s done for Emma, for all of us. I, I suppose I thought I knew him. But then we met his brother and…”

“And?”

He rolled his head back into her renewed ministrations. “And I realized that he had something I’d always wanted. He had a brother that cared for him, that loved him more than anything and the same was true of him. How can a man compete with that?”

“David Nolan, you’re jealous.”

He clamped his mouth shut, face burning brightly. Of course his wife would put it that succinctly and painfully. Prince Charming jealous of Captain Hook’s long dead brother. No wonder his daughter took so long to come to terms with Storybrooke. Mary Margaret leaned in and kissed his temple. After a fleeting embrace, she got to her feet to head back to her previous task.                             

“I still don’t know what to get him,” he called softly.

She laughed, placing the object she’d been toying with on the coffee table in front of him. “I think you do.”

She was right, he did. David began to grin as he looked at the image staring back at him.

***

Christmas Eve was a flurry of activity, the whole town seemed hellbent (no pun intended) on celebrating to their utmost capability. David was quite proud when he managed to sneak the box for Killian under Emma’s tree without anyone noticing. Rounds of eggnog, hyper children, and overzealous carolers had him quite relieved when his little family made it back through the door of the loft. The dwarves may be excellent miners but they really needed to work on their singing. Mary Margaret came back downstairs after putting Neal down to see her husband staring blankly at the pile of boxes and bags they collected over the evening. Tugging his hand, she roused him from his stupor long enough to get his help putting everything under their own tree.

He made to put the last present down when he saw his own name scrawled across the box in elegant writing.

“This one’s for me,” he stated slowly.

She eyed him curiously. “Uh, yep, that would be your name. How much eggnog did you have, exactly?”

He frowned at her. She simply smirked and shook her head. “Open it, if you’re so curious.”

Sitting back, he turned it over wonderingly.

“It’s a present, honey. A thing someone gives you that they’ll think you’ll like, or have a use for.”

He scoffed. She could tease him all she wanted but he was positive that was Killian’s writing. He went to start opening it before she hurried over with an envelope.

“Wait, wait, Emma said this goes with it. After you open the box.”

David tore the paper off to reveal a flask. Not just any flask, but Killian’s. It had been polished to a shine, but was still very apparently the same flask that he used to toast the man in Neverland. The same one that never left his side. Come to think of it, David couldn’t remember seeing it once the entire day. Now he knew why. But why on earth he give it to David? Right, the envelope.

_Dad,_

_I know Killian won’t ever tell you why he’s given you a second hand and super, super old flask. Maybe only to make some joke about your animosity towards him being lessened with alcohol or something. So my present to you is the real reason._

_He bought this flask to replace a lost brother. And now he doesn’t need it._

_You do the math._

_Love,_

_Emma_

_P.S. I’m also giving you and Mom a night off to go to Tony’s, dinner and childcare included._

He was on his feet and out the door before Mary Margaret could stop him, “I don’t think you want to go over there right now!” 

She sighed as the door latched behind him, her words unheeded. She grabbed his new flask and filled it with the strongest thing they had while waiting for her hot cocoa to finish in the microwave. Knowing that Henry was spending the night with Roland (the novelty of Santa for the younger boy too strong for Henry to resist), well, she was completely certain Emma and Killian had plans that David would need erased from his memory when he got back.

***

Emma wasn’t sure but she thought she heard a noise at the door. Scruff scraped along her inner thigh and a very talented tongue lapped a particularly sensitive area, successfully bringing her attention back to the man between her legs.

“If I didn’t know better darling, I’d say you were distracted.”

She could just see his eyebrow raised over the curve of her thigh.

“Less talking, talk later,” she dug her nails through his hair as he groaned and reburied himself in his favourite spot.

She should’ve had them move up to the bedroom instead of taking advantage of the empty house and sparkling tree. Maybe then she wouldn’t keep hearing things.

And it would’ve prevented her father’s bursting through the door and stumbling upon the scene in the living room.

“DAD! What the HELL?” Emma scrambled to grab the throw from the back of the couch to cover herself.

David stopped dead, mouth wide open and eyes screwed shut. Killian sat back languidly, licking his lips with licentious delight.

“Ah, can we help you, Dave?”

Emma hid her head under the blanket, willing herself to melt into the furniture. Killian continued to sit on his haunches. Only a moment ago she had been basking in his glorious, unclothed form and now… Now she wanted to know why the cushions hadn’t swallowed her yet.

Some strangled noises came from her father’s direction before she could hear his footsteps retreating. And of course Killian couldn’t resist rubbing the horror of the situation in David’s face.

“Thanks for the pictures, mate, they were brilliant!” The door slammed shut loudly.

She kicked at him blindly and he captured her foot, pulling the quilt down enough to leer at her.

“Forget it buddy, mood’s ruined,” she grumbled as she took in his very pink ears. It looked like the shameless pirate was able to be embarrassed after all.

“But-- “

She pulled him in for a chaste kiss before untangling herself from the couch. “For now.”

He stared gaping as she let the throw drop from her bare shoulders to the floor. She walked alluringly as she could manage to the stairwell.

“I suppose I could be talked back into the mood though…”

Within a flash he was at her side, hands all over whatever he could reach as she tried to race him up the stairs.

***

Mary Margaret handed him a very full flask as David slumped back into the apartment.

“I tried to warn you.”

David just continued chugging and after a pause waved the empty container back at his wife. She chuckled and refilled it, patting him on the head. Maybe next time her Prince Charming would remember that their daughter was in a relationship with Captain Hook before showing up to their house unannounced. That is if the flask didn’t do its job of erasing all memory of the evening.

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The included picture is one of the photos Dave had framed for Killian as his present.


	19. Calendar Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for Ael_tRlailiiu who has wanted some sort of acknowledgement that the people of Storybrooke are stupidly attractive. A bit of fluff to end the year.

A week of sailing down the coast. Just a small respite from underworld gods, whiny witches, and overbearingly well-meaning family. She had intended for them to make it to Miami but Killian kept sidetracking her with _other_ activities. Emma grinned to herself, who was she kidding. He definitely wasn't the only instigator on board. Speak of the devil...

Warm, calloused hands slid under her sweater and clasped together along her stomach.

“And what might the plan for today be, love?”

She sighed softly as his nose traced down her ear and on to her neck. It wasn't until his throaty chuckle tickled her collarbone that she realized she hadn't answered him and he was once again well on his way to thwarting her agenda. 

“We. Are. Leaving. This. Ship,” she turned in his arms and poked him for emphasis. 

His returning smirk was not helping her resolve much, nor was his lean frame molding itself to hers. Pouting lips and fluttering eyelashes it was then.

“This is New York City. I've never gotten to do any of the stereotypical touristy stuff. I've always wanted a vacation. A real one. The kind with cheesy photos and tacky souvenirs at the end.”

Emma peered up at him and watched the lust in his eyes melt into pure adoration. Dammit. Now that she was finally getting her wish, that look really made her want to drag him back below. There had to be a compromise in there somewhere; that's what marriage was all about, right? 

 

 _Several hours later_

Emma poked through the various knick-knacks of the store, making her way to the candy wall. She'd already grabbed a “Who’s Your Daddy” Vader mug for David, a set of New York skyline pens for Henry, and “I pretzel/apple/heart NYC” onesies for her brother. Time to find the perfect introduction to the world of excessive sweets for Roland. She glanced over to see Killian perusing the massive rack of calendars. No doubt he'd find an adorable puppy one to beg her for. She took a moment to appreciate his tongue gliding across his lower lip in consideration before turning back to her task at hand.

She had lost herself amongst “hilarious” maternity shirts looking for Belle’s present when his voice cut through her deliberation. 

“’Ey, love? Did you know about this?” 

He waved a large calendar with an image of a storybook in  front of her. Emma took it from him, raising an eyebrow as his concerned expression. 

“Men of Stories: Fairytale Men, 2015 edition. Princes, Pirates, Wizards, and more for your year!” She turned it over to see the thumbnails for each year. 

“Killian, it just looks like a pinup calendar of HOLY CRAP THAT’S MY FATHER,” she nearly dropped the offending item.

“Oi. I'm not sure how I feel that you noticed Dave before my pictures.” 

“Your pictures, you're in this too?” She sputtered.

He cocked his head. “Aye, love. I was hoping you knew how our countenance was out for public consumption but it appears to not be the case.”

Emma could hardly think straight. Somehow, someone had taken (rather nice, if she's to be honest) photos of the men of Storybrooke and had them made into a calendar. In the Real World. Where no one should know they exist. Killian peered over her shoulder to continue looking at the images.

“I see I'm the main image for July and December, is that good, love? I don't know much about this world, but I do feel I should be getting compensating in some fashion with my face being used to garner wealth.” 

Who on earth could've done this? She spied the copyright at the bottom, A.W.Booth.

“Come on hun, grab whatever and we’re heading home today.”

Killian gave her a wide grin before gathering their things and heading to the cash register. Her steely gaze meant someone was going to get what was coming to them.

***

The Jolly Roger docked and Emma took off to Marco’s house, leaving Killian to stall their family and friends so she could be there for the souvenir distribution. She had something more important to deal with first. 

Pounding as politely as she could on the woodcarver’s door, she heard the murmur of 90s rock coming from the garage. She stalked off to find August fiddling with his bike. 

“Emma! What a surprise. How was the honeymoon? Aren't you back early?”

She just glared at him before pointedly throwing the calendar down at his feet.

“Ah. I see.”

He gave her his best conciliatory smile as he wiped his hands on a rag and picked it up.

“I see you found my work. The 2015 edition? Tsk. Too bad. 2016 is even better. That Arthur may have been crazed and kind of evil, but he made for great photos. And don't even get me started on Lancelot. Although 2015 does have that nice one of your husband and your fath—“

“Seriously August, what the hell? How could you do this? How _did_ you do this?”

“Come on Emma, I've got to make a living somehow.”

“By using the people of this town?” She intensified her death glare. “By taking pictures and distributing them without their permission?” 

August gave her a patronizing sigh and offered the calendar back. “Emma, have you ever noticed how ridiculously attractive this town this? I mean, really?”

She frowned slightly. Sure, the ratio of hot to not seemed high but…

“Think about it. Your father is Prince Charming. Robin Hood is hero of so many romantic tales. There's no way your pirate could be real, be from the Land Without Magic. Look at Ruby, your mother, Regina, Aurora, Philip, and Mulan. Everyone here is drop dead gorgeous. How could I not share that with the world? And it's not like anyone will ever think a town full of hotties like this ever actually exists.”

Emma shook off his wheedling tone and the parade of townsfolk in her head. 

“Not the point August. You have to give everyone in these calendars a modeling fee or something, figure it out.”

He nodded, a sly grin on his face.

“And get permission.” She glared at him once more for good measure.

“Of course. Thanks, Emma,” his attempt to sound humbled was a bit weak as she turned to leave.

She called back cheerfully, “and you have to explain to the dwarves why they’re not in it!”

Emma heard a satisfying groan followed quickly by a thud and yelp of pain as she got back in the Bug.

*** 

She was a little surprised about the positive reception the calendar received. Granny in particular seemed to like it, and even more so when Killian declared she could keep it with a swift kiss to her cheek. Emma found herself a little sad by that, but cheered up considerably when the older woman whispered a promise to take out July and December for her. She grinned as she saw Killian David, and Robin corner August to hash out what they were owed. She hoped the pirate was doing the haggling; she had casually mentioned that they would need to take another honeymoon since this one got cut short. Killian’s negotiating skills were likely to get them a nice little vacation fund. It wasn’t until the men were shaking hands that she noticed the dwarves huddled in the corner. Emma had been confused when she’d noticed little complaining from their group as the calendar was passed around. And now, did she just hear a wolf whistle?

Leaving Mary Margaret and Regina to debate the worthiness of each month’s image, she walked quietly over to the dwarves. Before Sneezy could hide the it, she caught an eyeful of “Fairytale Women: Ladies of Story Come to Life, 2016 edition. Princesses, Queens, Heroines, and more!”

“WHAT?”

Emma’s roar silenced the diner. The townsfolk of Storybrooke froze, staring at their irate Saviour. They heard a motorcycle peal off and a string of curses trailing after it as the door swung shut behind her.

Killian smirked at David, “so, family excursion to this World of Disney I’ve heard so much about?”

He and Robin raised their glasses to Killian’s.  
“Hell yes. Courtesy of our resident paparazzo.”    


	20. Disney Inluenza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their trek to the Underworld, Emma finds herself feeling a bit under the weather, with rather bizarre consequences for those around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at @the-captains-ayebrows request because she knows me too well. Based on a post by mindyourhelm about Emma's Disneyfing the place a bit whilst sick.

Since getting back from the Underworld Emma had felt a little off. She had been warned that her inadvertent immunity to common illnesses was going to be taken away as part of the price (like she hadn't paid enough as it is, whatever, jerks). She felt like she had a constant albeit minor hangover.

It started with a sneeze.

She was blearily watching Killian get dressed for the day when that damn sneeze caused her eyes to close and miss part of the show. Emma thought she heard a grunt of surprise as she reopened them. She blinked away the fog to see a now shirtless Killian standing before her.

“Oh good,” she murmured sleepily. “I like it better with no shirt.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Did you do this, love?”

“Mm?”

“The garment that seems to offend you so had been on the body you're admiring, before disappearing in a flash.”

“Oh. Well, that's nice.” She rolled over groggily. Whatever Killian was talking about could wait. It was nice he was shirtless though. She just wished she felt well enough to enjoy it.

A cool hand caressed her forehead as the bed dipped beside her.

“You're a bit warm, love.”

“Mm.”

“Look at me, darling.”

“Mm ok.” She smiled up at him. He was so pretty. The clear blue eyes filled with concern, the munchable jawline all tense. “What's wrong?”

He frowned, “I think you may have a fever, Emma. Perhaps I should go and fetch a physician.”

“Naw,” she yawned. “S’ok. I'm fine. S’probably just too early. Not enough sleep, something.” She sat up and stretched a bit, shooing him away. “Just gimme some coffee and a half hour and I should be good.”

She gave a quick kiss between his still furrowed brow before fumbling for her own clothes.

***

* * *

 

She stumbled down the stairs to the siren call of the coffee maker gurgling. A tickle started in her nose.

“Ugh…a-ah-ahCHOO!”

“Whoa- Killian!”

“Bloody-“

Emma looked up to see Henry gaping at a pants-less Killian. She was relieved for Henry's sake that the now untucked shirt hung just below the curve of his ass even as she readily stared at those luscious legs.

“If you're done with the ogling, love, perhaps you could fetch me some trousers?”

“I'll get them!” Henry nearly flew up the stairs. After tossing the jeans around the wall, he shook his head at her disapprovingly. “Really, Mom? You could at least wait until I’ve left for school.”

She shook her head gingerly, “Swear kid, didn’t mean to.”

She didn’t catch the look exchanged between Henry and Killian as she grabbed a tissue from the counter.

“Are you sure you're up for working today, Emma? I'm sure no one would begrudge you a day-“

“ACHOO!”

“Oh hell.”

Henry sighed and headed back up the stairs. “I'm calling Mom. I don't know what's wrong with you but I'm pretty sure normal colds don't cause people's clothing to disappear.”

Killian held her apologetic gaze as he crossed his arms and leaned against the table.

“While I understand your desire to keep me undressed, I believe attempting to not traumatize the lad was your idea, sweetheart.”

Unable to tear her eyes away from his glorious, firm chest, she contented herself with sticking her tongue at him in rebuttal. He chuckled in response as he grabbed the shirt Henry thrust at him.

“Mom said she could come over later today, figure out what's wrong with you.”

She ruffled his hair affectionately, “it's ok kid. Just a cold. Pretty sure.”

“Yeah… Again, colds don't normally make other people's clothing disappear. And you've never had a cold before. Who knows what else could happen.”

She dropped on to the couch and thunked her head down. Her body just felt so heavy. Maybe her boys were right. She could at least just take the day off. As she let her eyes shut again she could make out whispers at the front door.

“You should probably stay home too.”

“Agreed. I'll look after her, lad, don't you worry.”

“Erm, I was actually referring to how your clothes vanished every time she sneezed. What if it happened while you were in Granny’s, or the library? It's safer for everyone if you stay here.”

“Ah. You have a point there. I will most certainly defer to your judgement. Are we certain we shouldn't also contact the doctor? If it is an illness, he should be able to assist, aye?”

“I don't think Dr Whale has much experience with sick magical people. Don't worry. I'll get cold meds on my way home and Mom said she was going to research some stuff before coming over.”

The door shut softly and Emma could barely make out the sounds of Killian padding around the house as he tidied up.

***

The townsfolk paraded through Emma’s sleep. The dwarves sang off key while making their way to the mines, Doc dragging his Miata behind. Dr. Hopper turned into a cricket while walking Pongo so the dog leaped gleefully, shouting, “at last, now I can go retrieve all bones hidden around town!” Mulan sang sorrowfully to herself in the mirror in Granny’s bathroom while Regina glowered at an apple right next to her. Her mother sat playing with her brother in a glass coffin while her father climbed through a jumble of attentive forest creatures to get to them. As the spoons started a musical number with the plates, she felt a familiar hand lovingly tuck a blanket around her and smooth back her hair.

“You’re not really Captain Hook, ya know. You're supposed to have the curls and the red and and the hat.”

“Fairly certain the hook is the important part, sweetheart. Just rest.”

She nuzzled the warm fingers with her cheek and finally slipped into a dreamless sleep.

***

Regina sighed and shut the car door behind her. While the Saviour’s illness sounded ludicrous, and rather entertaining, she would definitely need a moment to prepare for a potentially naked Hook greeting her.  There was a chance Henry had misinterpreted some weird game those two were playing which could make this a very awkward situation. She sighed again, pushing herself off the car. Pongo sat on the sidewalk just past the fence, wagging his tail at her.

“Yeah? And what do you want?”

His tail stopped, “well I had been hoping for a treat. I guess not.”

Regina blinked as he trotted off. Pongo just...spoke? Out loud? In English? _Seriously?_ She glanced worriedly towards the house. It seems like Henry should’ve insisted she come a lot sooner.

She approached the house, constantly scanning for more animals or talking plants or who knows what. As she climbed the stairs, she could hear colourful swearing and ...singing?

Not even bothering to knock, she swung the door open. She saw Emma curled up under a blanket, wisps of yellow and white light emanating from her and vanishing quickly. The sounds were clearly coming from the kitchen. She heard a thud and a growl while rounding the corner.

“Oh no you bloody don’t.”

Killian lounged towards a utensil that was dancing across the counter and attempted to wrangle it into the sink. The action was made a bit more difficult due to large black curls falling in front of his face and a froofy red coat obviously caught on his hook. Regina was powerless to stop the laughter from escaping. He whirled and glared at her, revealing the waxed mustache somehow on top of his facial hair and the utter lack of shirt beneath the stupid coat.

“You could lend us a hand, Your Majesty.”

She shook her head feebly at him, doubling over as dishware poked out from behind various appliances.

“‘Gina? What’re you doing here?”

She had been laughing so hard she hadn’t even heard Emma get up from the couch. Emma continued past her and snuggled up under Killian’s coat. The animate dishes all gathered themselves and slowly laid down as if they had never moved at all. The blonde looked up groggily at the half-naked man she was holding. Both Regina and Killian held their breaths, waiting for some acknowledgment of the situation.

Emma frowned and pulled away from him slightly. “Hey…you’re not wearing the hat.”

A moment passed and an overly feathered captain’s hat perched on top of the permed hair. She smiled happily and nestled back into him.

“S’better.”

Killian sighed into her hair even as Regina’s peal of laughter rang down the street.


	21. Foreplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has to try to not go crazy as Killian pushes her buttons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be pushing into M rating.

He traced his finger down her neck. Before she could even shoot him a warning glare , he had taken her plate and was maneuvering towards the sink. 

"Emma?"

"Hm?" She tore her eyes away from Killian chatting away casually with David.

Mary Margaret leaned into the table, searching Emma’s face. “You seem annoyed all of a sudden, everything ok?” 

“Oh yeah, Mom, I’m fine. Just spaced out for a moment.”

She took her mind off the sex-on-legs in the kitchen and managed to focus once more on her mother’s retelling of the ridiculousness Tiny and Bashful had gotten themselves into yesterday, only sparing occasional glances to the men cleaning up.

 

_ Earlier that morning... _

_ Emma felt the sun warming the edge of the pillow as she burrowed further into the firm body behind her. She felt cool fingers dancing along the edge of her breast and her hips pushed back unconsciously. Metal rings brushed her hardening nipples, causing her to gasp. His hand continued its dance along her skin, cupping and teasing her gently. As she freed her arm from under his to give encouragement to the erection pressed against her ass, he pulled back with a kiss to the base of her neck.  _

_ “I’ll go start the coffee, love.” _

_ Emma’s eyes flew open. He had  _ **_got_ ** _ to be kidding… _

_ Moments passed. She heard grinder stop and the shower start. She sat up frustratedly; he was seriously going to leave her high and dry after--  
_

_ “Your parents are expecting us in a half hour, love,” he called from the other room. _

_ Emma threw the blanket off. She was going to kill him. _

 

As the morning wore on, she was convinced that Killian was trying to kill her before she’d get a chance at him. And whether she was going to jump him or kill him, she hadn’t quite decided. There was the slide of his hook along the edge of her jeans as he led her to her chair, followed by his breath in her ear as he asked for her beverage preference. And the graze of his knuckles on her forearm when he leaned over for the salt.  

Emma and Mary Margaret moved into the living room as Killian and David finished clearing the table. Even though he was driving her absolutely crazy, Emma willingly shifted so Killian could settle beside her, curling her legs into his lap. As her father started in on another hilarious tale at the expense of the dwarves, Killian’s hand idly made its way from rubbing her foot to traveling under her pant leg. She had to stifle a moan when he began caressing the path along her ankle towards her calf. It was the sudden jolt of cold metal at that one spot right behind her ear while she was distracted by his fingers that did it. 

She stood abruptly, startling her parents from their laughter. 

“We have to go. I, I forgot that Henry needs help with some project he wanted to do.”

Mary Margaret held back a grin as her eyes flitted between Emma and Killian’s faces. 

David just furrowed his brow in confusion, “I thought Henry was with Regina and Robin? Didn’t they have some sort of family camping trip they were doing this weekend?”

Emma’s mind stalled out. All she knew was that she needed to drag Killian away from other eyes and now.

“Oh that’s right, Henry had mentioned the project to me. Sounded like fun,” Mary Margaret’s amused tone cut through her floundering mind. 

Nodding gratefully at her mother, Emma dragged Killian to the entrance, barely allowing time for either of them to get their shoes on before pushing them out the door.

“You know, love, I do believe you and your mother just lied to your father.”

She whirled on him, “shut it. Right now. Because we are going home and you are going to get inside me and we are going to screw all day, _you_ ** _damn_** **_tease_**. ” 

He licked his lips slowly and she realized that she had backed him against the wall, their bodies flush and holy hell she would not make it back to their house if she didn’t pull away right now. He followed her movements deliberately as she attempted that, keeping his legs pressed to hers, hardness growing against her stomach even through his jeans. He ghosted his lips over hers, along her jaw, down her neck, and gave an unhurried lick on her collarbone. As the moan escaped her, he drew back and stepped past her.  

“In this realm, I believe it is called ‘foreplay’, m’lady.”

She rocked in place, stupefied to be left so incredibly wanting  _ again _ . He smirked at her as he waited at the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes narrowed as she wrestled the lust back under control.

Killian Jones was a dead man walking.


	22. A Grand Erection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> scapeartist and phiralovesloki said that if a fic included the words breast (in a sexual context) and erection, it was smut. I took this as a challenge.
> 
> And thus, Captain Charming silliness.

Killian offered his hook to Emma as they exited Granny’s. He cherished the feeling of her arm wrapped around his, could never get enough of it. Judging by the way she was pressing her breasts into him, he hoped she’d allow a detour to the Jolly Roger before going their separate ways this afternoon.

He went to lock gazes with the delectable woman snuggling into him only to be ripped away by an exuberant force. 

“Come on Hook, they’re putting up the new clock tower!”

Emma covered a laugh and waved shamelessly as David dragged him down the street. While he appreciated the man’s...enthusiasm for the town’s welfare and revival after recent events, he continued to have horrific timing.

Killian looked on with a large number of townsfolk as Marco and Grumpy shouted instructions back and forth. After an interminable amount of time, the workers climbed down and everyone clapped. 

David turned to Killian, beaming. “That was so inspiring, don’t you think? They did great work. And so many people came out, the community really showed up for this one. Wasn’t it nice?”

“Aye, mate. It was ‘great’. A grand erection you’ve shown me. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Killian winked at him.

A telling blush rose on David’s face as his words sank in. Killian bowed his head, unable to help the satisfied smirk before heading back to his paramour and out of range of the prince’s inevitable retaliation. 


	23. Liam's Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Milah meets the woman who carries Liam's ring.
> 
> spoilers for 5b   
> (well, ish)

Milah sighed. Rumple clearly had been looking for some great reaction as he invited her to come meet the blonde woman on the other side of the street. The woman, Emma, looked a little taken aback but Milah could see the redness in her eyes. She had obviously been crying. Milah marveled a bit how a woman of Emma’s obvious calibur could be so distraught and vulnerable as to travel to the Underworld, trusting in Rumpelstiltskin of all people. 

The woman fidgeted with something on a chain as Rumple introduced them, only dropping it to push her hair behind her ear nervously.

A ring- no- _ Liam’s _ ring.

 

_ The ship danced on the waves, moonlight spilling on to the bed. Killian draped his arm along her back as she slid her legs along his. These were her favourite moments. A day with a good wind, a merchant vessel rather lighter than it was previously led to a vigourous respite with her lover below decks. Even laced with guilt, the joy in her heart nearly drove all memory of the desolation it had once known. He toyed idly with the chain around his neck, bringing her attention back to the ring she rarely saw glimpses of. _

_ “Aren’t you ever going to tell me?” _

_ “Mm?” _

_ She grinned at his sleepy tone. “The ring. Whose was it?” _

_ Killian’s fingers gripped it tightly before he opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling. _

_ “Liam’s.” _

_ Milah sunk her head back on his chest, soothing his hand as it loosened over the object. _

_ “Tell me,” she asked in a soft tone.  _

_ As the moonlight faded below the horizon and the stars were left to witness, he slowly unfolded the love and tragedy of two young men against the world… _

 

Milah’s eyes locked with Emma’s. She could see the turmoil underneath, the pain and fear, but most importantly she could see the love shining through it all. Some part of her was aware that Rumple was still speaking but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. She reached for Emma’s hand and clasped it back around the ring. 

“Take him home, Emma. Let’s get you both home.”


	24. Operation Rescue Zelda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry and Emma come up with a new Operation name after meeting with Hades.

Emma felt her son’s hand sneak into her own. She let out a shaky breath and gave him a grateful smile. Henry returned it with a little more enthusiasm and tugged her back towards the others. She wasn’t looking forward to these ridiculous “tests” to get Killian back, but at least now they had a plan. She squeezed Henry’s hand a little tighter and glanced  ~~ down ~~ over at him  _ (holy cow when did he get so tall?). _

“So…”

Emma nodded, “yeah. We’ve got our work cut out for us.”

“No, well duh but not that,” Henry shook his head thoughtfully. Emma cocked her eyebrow, waiting. “Hades said that you need combine the three forces of magic, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you say you’ve had to save Ho- Killian a lot?”

“Kid, where are on earth are you going with this?” Emma asked.

“And he likes to wear the same outfit,” Henry continued.

At this point it sounded a lot like Henry was just thinking out loud. Emma tried not to fidget or demand answers, it’s not like losing a pseudo-father figure ( _ right keep telling yourself “pseudo”)  _ and traveling to the Underworld to retrieve him was easy on a person.

Henry stopped, his hand accidentally yanking Emma back a step. 

“Mom, don’t you see, you’re Link! Rescuing the princess, well pirate, by obtaining the TriForce and wielding the Master Sword, battling dark and evil forces, always overcoming every obstacle- this is awesome!”

Emma couldn’t help the laughter from escaping and ringing disruptively through their dismal surroundings. Leave it to her son to turn a nightmarish quest into her favourite video game.

“Alright then, let’s go rescue Zelda.”


	25. Swept Off His Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Floor forever (brotp, I swear).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm a sucker for inane ideas that people come up with. And crack fics. And attempting to write humour.

Days passed. 

 

Weeks. 

 

Callused fingers brushed softly along her waist band, the morning sun flickering through the curtain . Emma stirred, rolling over to see her love’s eyes doing that seductive rake…only his eyes were shut. She watched as his lips moved, nonsense forming with each breath. It wasn't often she had a chance to revel in the moment while he slept, the six week reprieve before everything descended into Hell felt like an eternity ago. And after all they'd been through, she often found herself simply memorizing the lines of his face. An errant lock of hair dropped across his nose when he shifted to burrow further into her. 

Killian felt Emma's giggle more than he heard it, warm hands buried in his hair.

“Emma?”

Her muffled giggles grew.

“If I were to open my eyes, what would I find you doing to me?”

“...nothing.”

He peeked one eyelid open, peering suspiciously at her. She dropped her hands immediately from the strange angles she had been pulling his hair at, not bothering to hold in her laughter any longer. 

“Amusing yourself, darling?”

Emma propped herself on one arm, gently smoothing back the fringe from his eyes. “I think it may be time for a haircut.”

“I have been a bit preoccupied, priorities elsewhere and all.”

She let her fingertips slide down along his jaw and neck before he captured her hand in his and flipped over, pulling her close behind him. 

“Did y’know it curls up a bit in the back?”

“Leave it, lass.”

“Fine, just don't complain to me when Regina wants to practice braiding with your hair.” 

Killian didn't even bother to dignify her with a response. She molded herself to his back and buried her face between his shoulders. He smiled as soft snores filled the room but moments later. They were home, everything was as it should be. And yet…

 

Something just felt off. 

 

Killian couldn’t figure it out for the life of him. He had the woman he loved by his side, a remarkable young man that looked up to him, a home they were building together; he had so much more than he had ever dreamed possible and yet none of it could relieve the strange itch growing along his spine. 

Mugs clanked down in front of him and he glanced up, startled. Granny simply stared back at him until it registered that he’d been sitting at the counter spaced out for who knows how long. He bowed his head in thanks and tucked one hot cocoa in his arm before reaching for the other. 

A hand laid on his wrist gently, drawing his attention back. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, lover boy, but you’re worrying your better half. Or maybe she's just getting impatient since I first put your drinks in front of you ten minutes ago.” 

Granny looked pointedly at the deflated whipped cream sitting in two forgotten cups next to his seat. Before Killian could deflect, teasing about the distracting nature of the proprietor’s beauty, the diner’s door was nearly thrown off its hinges. 

 

The dust cleared.

 

Emma ducked her head above the table to see Killian still crouching next to his stool and Granny’s head cautiously raising back up over the counter. Her sigh of relief was cut short when she spied cinnamon dotted cream sliding down the wall, broken ceramic on the floor next to Killian. 

Dammit.

“You owe me a hot chocolate after we deal with...whatever.”

Emma extended her hand to Killian, hauling him upright, and shot an apologetic look to Granny as they ran out the door. A yelling Leroy pointed them in the direction to a large crater just beyond Main Street. Pounding the pavement saw them there scant minutes before her father and Robin showed up. She took the time it took to regain her breath to study Killian surreptitiously. Amused glint to his eyes, hair ruffled from the wind, cocked eyebrow… Everything seemed completely normal. Other than his sporadic moments of spacing out recently, that is. David's hand on her shoulder broke her reverie and she blinked to see Killian descending down the slope already. 

“Son of a --”

She rushed after him, just in time to see some creature with wings launch itself and knock him to the ground before bounding away. 

“Killian!”

He waved reassuredly from his prone position but made no motion to get up. 

“Emma!” David called, “we know what that was. Robin went to go get Ruby and Mulan so we can track it and keep it from hurting anyone!”

“What is it?” she hollered back.

“A gryphon! A baby, from the looks of it. They’re normally really friendly, it’s probably just scared and disoriented.”

Turning back to her debris-strewn path, she grumbled her way to her fallen lover. “Sure, friendly. Just crash lands in the middle of a street and knocks out innocent bystanders, but no, of course. Totally friendly.”

 

Finally.

 

Killian clasped his hands over his stomach as he idly listened to Emma’s intelligible grousing, punctuated by the odd stumble or rock sliding down to the remnants of an egg. He finally felt at peace, like a part of him that had been missing since the Underworld was returned. He smiled serenely at the clouds drifting across the afternoon sun. Blonde hair and frustrated green eyes came into his peripheral and he turned his gaze to his princess.

“Are you ok?” Emma’s eyes narrowed as she took in his relaxed pose. “Seriously? You get trampled by a furball with wings and you’re just going to lie on the ground?”

He grinned up at her and motioned her closer. As soon as her hand was within range, he reached up and tugged her down on top of him. 

“Mmm. Now it’s perfect.”

“Killian. What the hell are you doing?”

He sighed and slid his hand down to her waist. “Enjoying the moment. It’s been too long since we’ve done this.”

Emma tried to push herself up and he just kept adjusting his grip to keep her solidly on top of him.

“It’s been too long since what? We’ve been knocked down because of an attack?” She managed to pull back far enough to start searching his eyes for signs of a concussion. “Are you kidding me right now?”

“I know what you’re doing, darling,” he clicked his tongue at her. “And I’ve no head trauma, I’m fine.” 

He sighed happily, “better than fine.”

Emma let her forehead thump down above his shirt.

“Captain Hook is in love with the ground. Awesome.”

Killian laughed as her indistinct reply reverberated along his chest. 

“It’s purely platonic, love. I swear it.”


	26. Tartan Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kilts and drooling ficlet for brooketobroch for sending me a super sweet message on tumblr.

Emma yawned and let her head drop down on her mother’s shoulder. Mary Margaret patted her head indulgently before returning to making soothing motions on baby Neal’s back. Granny’s was far livelier than normal for seven am on a Saturday but not the noise nor the coffee in front of her could keep Emma’s eyes from staying open.  
“Why does Storybrooke even have a ‘Tartan Parade’ anyway? You’re all from fairytale land, pretty sure Scotland is a _real_ place.”  
“Tsk, Emma, the Enchanted Forest is real!”  
Emma cut her off, “yeah yeah, I know. That still doesn’t explain why we have to be subjected to all the dwarves in kilts.”  
Mary Margaret’s abrupt laughter caused the aforementioned men to look over at their table.  
“Stop that,” Mary Margaret turned crimson as Leroy glared suspiciously at the women before leading his brothers out the door. “He’s going to be so mad at me later.”  
Emma chuckled as she sipped her caffeine gingerly. After all this time, she knew there were no beans more magical.  
Mary Margaret nudged her. “You do remember that the entire town participates right?”  
“Yeah, so?”  
“Every. Single. Man.”  
Emma gathered enough energy to furrow her eyebrows quizzically. She heard her father’s voice coming down the hallway and saw the red return with a vengeance to her mother’s face.  
_Ah_.  
She smirked into her cup. As ...weird as their situation was, she was still happy that her parents remained so head over heels for each other. She could do with a little less PDA sometimes, or in the current circumstance she’d settle for Mary Margaret’s eyes to be back in her head.  
“Emma.”  
“Hm?”  
“I wasn’t referring to your father, by the way.”  
Emma looked up to see David making way for Killian to pass. Killian, legs exposed, fingers looped in the belt, hook flourishing… Killian, in a kilt.  
She felt her jaw go slack.  
“Should I get you a towel for that drool?”  
Emma managed to gulp down a reply and settled for shaking her head.  
Mary Margaret stood but leaned over to whisper, “oh, and the Historical Society is adamant about the proper way to wear a kilt. You know, with nothing else under it. Maybe you should go check.”  
Emma knocked her coffee all over the table as Mary Margaret cackled her way over to David.


	27. Always Tip Your Bartender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super silly drabble in response to capitaine-odette's very nice tumblr message.   
> Robin's evening out with Regina is curtailed by a chance encounter with Captain Guyliner.

Robin tossed back a shot, slipping the bartender a grateful twenty. A cool breeze blew in as the door chimed. Emma slid on to the stool next to him and gave him a greeting nudge.

“Hey.”

“Emma.”

“I thought you and Regina were going out tonight? Henry was all excited about getting to hang out with Roland and my parents.”

“Oh we were. We did, in fact.” Robin chortled a bit into his glass. “We had a lovely meal and were taking a stroll when we ran into a particularly stubborn gent. There may or may not have been an exchange of sarcasm and wit until a challenge was thrown down.”

Emma shook her head. Before she could question him about it, a very familiar laugh rang out from the back of the Rabbit Hole. The two swiveled on their seats to observe a doubled over Killian and a none-too-pleased, slightly swaying, Regina. 

Emma noticed the makeup bag lying open between them and could see the marks on Regina's face from all the way across the room. 

“...drunken eyeliner?”

“Drunken eyeliner. It appears your man was proven his prowess.”

Robin raised his drink and Emma grabbed her newly delivered whiskey. 

“I have a feeling we should just ask for the bottle.”

“That, my lady, is the best idea I've heard all evening.”


	28. Eau de Hook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian and David "help" Belle with the library's fundraiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, technically there's no CS in this chapter but since it's canon-compliant and I will never not have cs together in those (flashbacks excluded), I'm putting it here.

“Oh excellent, just put them there. Thank you, Killian.”  
He placed box of books down gingerly on a table that he was sure had... _some_ sort of organisation to it. Belle beamed at him, elbow-deep in items that looked oddly familiar.  
Killian made his way around the various hazards to her side.  
“What are these then,” he asked curiously. “And why in blazes is my countenance all over them?”  
Belle chuckled a bit as she continued putting them in plastic bags. “They’re called ‘air fresheners’. They make a room or car smell nice.”  
“And...my visage signifies fresh air? I suppose the scent of the open sea is to be associated with me…”  
Belle glanced over as Killian trailed off, confusion knitting his eyebrows together. He sniffed at the package.  
“Belle, this smells nothing of the fresh air.”  
She plucked the stolen one from his fingers, brushing off his accusatory glare.  
“Don’t you insult these, Killian. A very sweet citizen took time to hand-print and stuff each bag. I happen to think they’ll sell quite well.”  
“Of course they’ll sell, love. They’ve each a smouldering rapscallion on them. But, vanilla? Who on earth-- Ah, Dave! Come tell the lady that vanilla is far too boring a scent for the likes of me.”  
David startled in the doorway, dropping a container from his arms; sachets spilled out all over the floor. His eyes darted anxiously to Belle as his ears flushed crimson.  
“Uh…”  
“Oh mate, really? **_Vanilla?_** ”  
“Hey, people like vanilla!”  
Belle stood helpless, laughing herself to tears, as Captain Hook and Prince Charming argued fervidly over the latter’s handmade, vanilla scented air fresheners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record? There is indeed a Captain Hook vanilla scented air freshener. Go to Hot Topic. SO weird. Information courtesy of scapeartist.


	29. Eau de Hook pt2: Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the Eau de Hook with Swan, for tnlph.

Killian dropped into the Bug dramatically.   
“I always knew your father had questionable taste, love, but I did not realize it was also so bloody _boring_.”  
He fixed his eyes on her and gave her a theatrical sigh. A chuckle escaped as she rolled her eyes.   
“Come on, you should’ve known better than to think Prince Charming would pick anything other than vanilla.”  
“Alas, his far more adventurous daughter has captivated my attention wholly.” He winked and began leaning in, “and she has much more interesting taste than-”  
He stopped his approach to her lips abruptly, reaching instead for the item hanging from her mirror. Emma fought as hard as she could against the laughter trying to break free.  
“Swan, not you too!”   
It was no use, her laughter rang out through the confines of the car.


	30. Broken Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble inspired by 2 lovely people's comments on the 5x13 sneak peek. Yes, angst.  
> Captain Floor angst, to be precise.

The thunderous stomping reverberated along the corridor towards the Master’s voice; the guard dog’s bloodlust temporarily sated. Tiles groaned under the weight of the monster, claws leaving deep scores in their wake. Heat rolled off his body, dried blood pushed aside for fresh blood to make its way down the scratches in the floor. The cool stone beneath him pressed against his swollen eye, new bruises seeking out the chilly reprieve. It could be moments, could be days, the beast would be back again. And when it came, he would get to his feet again, fight again, try again. But here, now, he welcomed the solace of the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was a Captain Floor angsty crack fic. Don't even ask, I have no idea how my brain functions.


	31. Bed of UST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bed POV crack.  
> Spurred on by a delightful conversation surrounding the jealousy and revenge of Emma's bed featured in the sneak peek for tonight's episode (5x13).

The bed creaked appreciatively as Emma flopped down and snuggled into her pillows. While it had been empty for far longer during the cursed years, it quickly had grown fond of its recent occupant. The smell of tacos still lingered on the woman, slowly transferring to the bedspread. 

“Mom? Grandpa bought ice cream, don't you want any?” Henry's voice filtered up the stairway. 

“I am stuffed, kid. You guys enjoy,” she called back. Emma smushed her face back into her pillow. “‘M not gonna move for a week.”

She settled for a few moments, long enough that the bed felt she must've drifted off, until she sat up abruptly and began beating the pillows into a better position. 

“Damn stupid ‘Enchanted Forest’. Nothing enchanted about a place with no decent pillows and arrogant pirates with blue eyes.”

She flipped on to her back. Tension seeped through the mattress as she fidgeted, toes scrunching up the comforter, legs shifting together. Her hands moved restlessly, alternating between gripping the sheets and moving unconsciously down her frame. 

“Argh!” Emma shot up. “He wasn’t even  _ that  _ attractive.”

She stomped down the stairs, not bothering to smooth down the bedding she had mussed.

Her voice traveled up faintly from downstairs. “Decided I was a fool to say no to ice cream. Especially when your grandfather paid.”

The bed settled as the springs reasserted themselves in her absence. Her frustration remained, however. 

***

”Oh great, he’s here,” was barely uttered before Emma landed face down on the bed again. Sleep came to her immediately, judging by the swiftness of the soft moans and breaths muffled by the pillows. The dissatisfaction that had begun upon her return from the Enchanted Forest only grew as she shifted her hips into the sheets, seeking out friction as her dreams took her far away from her parents’ loft. Even as she was oblivious to her own desires, hope grew that maybe, finally, this ache would be relieved. 

Morning came and went with no sign of resolution. A night cold and alone when the manipulative one pulled her away from the warmth of the bed was made worse when the following night was punctuated by muffled growls and cursing, not even the release of dreams featuring ‘arrogant pirates’ to be had. The longing for passion was slowly replaced with stiff, closed off sleep. The son on the bed beside her chattered away about a father he never expected to meet, Emma’s body pulled taut… the bed began to long for the unresolved sexual tension she had been exhibiting before this former love had reentered her life. 

***

Once again it was left empty as Emma was gone for weeks. Weeks of an empty apartment, all the tears and sweat and lust swallowed up by the bedding. No more wistful sighs beneath the sheets, no unchecked smiles that shone before the dream state faded.

There was a change in the air when the group returned from Neverland. Even the light coming through the windows seemed brighter, more alive. 

When Emma came up the stairs alone that night, the bed expected her to fall immediately into its embrace. Instead she took her time, sitting gently on the edge and running her fingers over her lips repeatedly until she seemed to remember that her boots were still on. Finally divesting herself of her clothes, she settled beneath the covers. There was a calm to her body that had been rarely seen before. An edge of worry, a bit of confusion, but at its core a peace that raised quite a number of questions. She lay awake staring out the window from her prone position for quite a while. 

“So, I guess the fun begins now?” Emma whispered to the stars before closing her eyes at last. 

***

Empty, again. Not the apartment this time, just the upstairs. Emma and Henry were nowhere to be seen, but a very pregnant Mary Margaret spent quite a bit of time up there. Looking for what was anyone’s guess; perhaps she was simply missing her daughter and grandson. Then Emma and Hook walked through the door, and the joy and urge for release was palpable. Then they sat downstairs for a while and left again without even coming upstairs. Confusion set in, adding to the resurgence of tension within its sheets. 

Weeks later, Emma set down her belongings in the closet and flopped on the bed. It could’ve sung out of relief upon her return. It merrily withstood the renewed onslaught of boiling sexual repression, of twisted sheets and dream-groping, of muttered curses about blue eyes and exposed collarbones upon waking. One morning Emma and Henry discussed the Hook person whose name escaped her lips so often while sleeping, and that conversation was followed swiftly by easier dreams. The unconscious explorations turned to subdued but controlled ones when her son didn’t share the room. The bed could feel the buildup rise each night, knew it was only a matter of time now; Emma was no longer standing in her own way. 

***

Hook was standing near the bed, having looked under it and Henry’s bed, searching for something. His voice rang teasingly throughout the loft, and Emma’s footsteps were recognizable as she bolted up the stairs. She leapt into his arms and they collapsed on the bed together. As they sank into the mattress, the bed knew it had never known a better feeling. So much love, so much desire, so much hope was on top of it that the ache of unresolved feelings had ebbed into distant memory.

Until Emma opened her mouth. Even as Hook smiled for her, his fear-tinted disappointment seeped into the bed. What had seemed like a long-awaited moment of joyful release was adding to the tension locked within the bedding. Doubt shuddered through the frame as the couple settled for a quick embrace before leaving the loft together. At this rate… no. It would be free of this torture before long. It had come so close; it was only a matter of time.

***

Confusion set in. Weeks again, of no inhabitants within the loft. This pattern had held true for so long, the bed had become accustomed to it. It seemed the home was doomed to vacillate between a bustling home and vacancy. David and Mary Margaret eventually returned but without Emma even though she was also back in Storybrooke. Whispered conversations never seemed to make it over the railing as the baby slept. Finally, Hook came by the loft to confer with the Nolans.

“She did what?”

“She procured a house. I know not the means with which she did so, but it is unlikely there are any that would argue with a Dark One against taking what she wishes.”

The bed felt itself detach from the mortal realm. After all it had been through, after the insane and inhuman amount of tension it had been subject to...Emma had  _ left _ it? 

That’s it, it was done. Goodbye, cruel world.


	32. “Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 60. “Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…” + CS

“Hey, Killian?”

He glanced up from his book to see Henry fidgeting in the doorway.

“Yes, lad?”

Henry shifted back and forth on his feet, eyes focusing anywhere but on the man in front of him. Killian could see the starts of a blush creeping on the boy’s cheeks. He watched him take a long, deep breath.

“Well, uh, we have to do a report on unconventional professions and you told me your old crew was still around and I was hoping that maybe the guy that did your tattoo was in town and would want to talk to me? And it’d get me major points because then I could compare it to tattoo techniques throughout the years in this realm and -”

“Whoa there. Of course, Henry. I’m sure he’d be happy to chat with you. The man only ever stayed silent if a needle was in his hands,” Killian laughed. “Although we’ll need to be careful, he loves nothing more than trying to convince people he knows ‘just the ink they need.’“

“Oh, uh, well, yeah. That’s fine. I mean, I’ll be fine.” Henry stuttered.

“Hmm.”

Killian eyed him as the young man bounded out of the room, presumably to grab his jacket. The lad was up to something, no doubt. 

***

Killian heaved a weary sigh. He should’ve known better to step out so Henry could “ensure the integrity of the interview.” Lad was far too clever for his own good. Now Killian would just need to deal with…

“Killian!”

Ah, his beloved was home. 

“Why the hell did Leroy congratulate me on being such a ‘chill parent’ and Sneezy give me lotion for tattoo aftercare while I was picking up dinner?”

He screwed his eyes shut and gave a cough before turning to face her.

“Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…”


	33. “This is all your fault! I can’t believe I listened to you!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 82. “This is all your fault! I can’t believe I listened to you!” + Captain Cobra Swan

Henry watched Killian lap him again, sure enough, banana peels left in his wake caused Yoshi to go careening off the track.

“This is all your fault! I can’t believe I listened to you!” 

“Hey, kid, you wanted something we could all play together!” Emma stuck her tongue out in concentration as she tried to maneuver Luigi through the obstacles in order to not follow in Henry’s path. “You can’t blame me for teaching him too well; you always beat _me_!”

“Yeah, but I’m not the one who fell in love with a pirate who always finds a way to cheat!”

“I’m sitting right here, you know.” Killian turned to them both smugly as he sat back to watch Bowser celebrate at the finish line. “And one can hardly cheat in these games of video. They simply hand you the tools to beat those less skillful.”

“UGH,” Henry growled as Emma smacked Killian’s arm. “That does it. I’ll defeat you if it’s the last thing I do. Come on, Mom! Let’s get ‘im.”

“You’re on, kid.”

“Whoa, wait.” Killian scrambled for the controller as the other two quickly took advantage of their headstart.


	34. "Teach me to fight."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 57. "Teach me to fight." + Captain Cobra

Henry watched Killian’s pleading expression slide into a resigned one. Either Killian had less of a silver tongue than he claimed or the weather was going to be way worse than forecasted. He glanced out the window, the dark clouds rumbling in from the east answering that question. 

Killian sighed as he hung up the phone.   
“Well lad, seems the storm predicted for tomorrow has graced us with its presence early. Your mother would prefer we postpone our sailing trip until it passes.”  
Henry nodded, still looking out under the curtain. Sure he was disappointed, the thought of withstanding epic waves and cinematic winds playing in his mind, but his mom was right. Best to wait until they could set off safely; Killian had promised to let him have the honours, which was nerve-wracking enough on a clear day. Besides, Henry still had a few modern day things left to share with his step-dad. There was no better time than a crappy day.   
“So, did you have anything else you wanted to do?”  
“I’m at your disposal, sir. I can also leave you to your leisure if you wish it.”  
Henry grinned broadly. “Actually, I was hoping you’d say that.” He bounded over to the bookshelf by the TV. “I’ve been dying to play the new Mortal Kombat but Roland’s too young to play in front of.”  
“Sounds delightful.” Killian took the proffered case from Henry, raising his eyebrow at the gory images on the back. “Ah, I can see why Robin would be loathe to expose the young lad to such a pastime.”  
“It’s all really fake, it’s not like it’s real. Although the blood and intestines are supposed to be super detailed in this one!”  
“And that is desireable?”  
Henry rolled his eyes at Killian as they settled on the couch.   
“You’ll see, it’s cool. The fighting is awesome. Probably way cooler than pirate duels.”  
Killian laughed, “lead on then, teach me to fight.”


	35. A Nap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired. So I'm making CS nap after the potential events of 5x15.

“Alright, Swan, where to now?”

Emma glanced up at Killian, both of their faces soaked with tears. He held her a bit tighter as she lay her head back on his shoulder, staring after Liam’s long faded silhouette. She could feel the weariness seeping out of him. The relief of his decision ran its course through her bones; her knees wobbling a little in its wake.

“You need a moment?”

“It can wait, love. Hades needs to pay for what he’s done. And for what he’s tried to do.”

“No,” she tugged on his hook, bringing his eyes to hers. She studied the sorrow and love intertwining there for a moment before shaking her head again.

With a cloud of black and white smoke, she transported them back to their house. He stumbled as she led him back to the couch and forcibly sat him down.

“Emma, what- ”

“Everyone is out getting information; they know where to find us. They’ll come get us when they have something.”

“But- “

“A nap, Killian. I need a nap. And I’m pretty sure you do too.” She looked him up and down pointedly, his back slouching into the couch as she curled up beside him. He chuckled hoarsely into her hair as she tucked herself under his arm. “Besides, I want cuddles.”

“I see. You have ulterior motives.”

“Yep. Now shh.”

She grinned as he relaxed around her. The red haze of the Underworld settled on them as her eyes fluttered shut, finally able to rest in his embrace after far too long.


	36. A Monkey's Errand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Henry have just moved to NYC and are trying to adjust to life there. Canon-compliant, missing scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't for the life of me shake the idea that Walsh used the Elixir of the Wounded Heart on Emma. The bottle Robin steals in NYC is missing some and even without her memories, there are some wounds that can't be easily forgotten.

Emma’s eyes flew open as the music clicked on. The dream had been so vivid, drowning in his blue eyes, her smile tightly holding back the tears and… the refrain swelled, and she lost it. She groaned and smacked the alarm. Since moving to New York, she just hadn’t slept great. Henry kept trying to reassure her that their new place wasn’t going to go up in flames the way the old one did, and they weren’t even home for it. Emma knew it was bad when her pre-teen could tell she was struggling with insomnia. Although his nagging about her sleep habits was far better than his not so subtle hints that she could try getting out and dating, making friends. She sat up and stretched. Better get some breakfast in both of them before her desire to avoid conversations about her social life made him late for school.

***

He waved goodbye as they neared the steps of his school and bounded away. Emma smiled wistfully as her not-nearly-as-young-as-he-should-be man greeted a few classmates. The empty feeling in her heart grew when Henry entered the building and disappeared from sight. They’d hardly been in the city months, and he had already made friends, was doing great in school...every single day she couldn’t help but be grateful she decided to not give him up. It had been hard,  _ was _ hard, but it was the most amazing thing she could’ve ever asked for. 

Which was why this persistent heartache was so upsetting. She had everything she could ask for. The best son in the world, a job that paid well enough for a nice apartment in New York City, and work hours that were only sometimes crazy. Sure, she wished Henry had more family, she knew how lonely the holidays felt for him, but having even one person was more than she had ever dreamed of. At least, after Henry’s father ran off. Her thoughts stalled as a pair of blue eyes enveloped her thoughts. Before she could fully recapture the dream she thought gone, her phone buzzed. She looked at the caller ID curiously; oh right, the end table.

“Uh, Hello?”

“Miss Swan? Hi, it’s Walsh, from Wizard of Oak.”

She smiled as his voice cracked ever so slightly, her amusement quickly turning to dismay.  “Yeah, is everything ok with my order?”

“Yes! It’s done, actually, I was calling to let you know. It’s ready for delivery whenever you want.”

“Wait, already? I thought it was going to take at least another couple of weeks!” Emma stood on the sidewalk, astounded. 

“I pride myself on exceeding expectations, Miss Swan.” She could hear the smug pride clearly.

“Tell you what, I’m just a couple streets away. I’ll head over and we can figure out when works best.”

“Excellent, I look forward to it, Miss Swan.”

“Please, just Emma.” She rolled her eyes at his obvious eagerness and hung up quickly. 

She remembered the first time she walked by his shop. The night before, she and Henry had made a list of every piece of furniture they needed. She then spent another hour online after he’d gone to bed, searching for reputable and affordable places in the area. It felt like serendipity, finding a store so close to their apartment with hundreds of 5 star reviews. Which is why Emma was so surprised their custom order had taken so little time. It seemed like he should’ve been swamped with customers, but she reasoned it was just more evidence of his commitment to excellence.

There was something about the man though. Something that seemed...off. She shrugged and headed to his store. Maybe she really did need to start dating again, if a fairly attractive, seemingly sweet man did nothing but send up red flags in her brain.

The door chimed softly as she stepped through. It took a few moments for Emma’s eyes to adjust; the shop was much darker than the sunlit streets. She heard something slam towards the back of the room, accompanied by a sloshing of a bottle. Before she could call out, Walsh rounded his desk quickly, and she chuckled at the bounce in his step. 

“Here, here, have a seat. I made some tea, would you like some?” 

He ushered her over to a couch near his desk. She eyed the tea set he had laid out. He certainly pulled out all the stops, and probably explained the sloshing she’d heard. She felt a little uneasy as she sat on the very nice and probably very expensive couch. She wasn’t used to the “small talk” aspect of small business owners, a bit more comfortable with the detachment of chain stores. 

Emma sipped the tea he offered, doing her best to not spill. Just as she was about to call him out for his staring, the liquid warmed her belly and her...heart. She could feel cracks she hadn’t even realized were there were being mended, slowly and surely. Walsh smiled sweetly across from her as he settled back in his chair. 

“So, about delivery- “

She lost track of time as their conversation drifted from scheduling details to favourite restaurants and Henry and their move to New York. Emma found herself enjoying time with him far more than she had expected, and was almost reluctant when she realized she really had to get going. Maybe Henry was right, maybe she should try dating. Not every guy could be like his father.

Walsh watched Emma stride down the street before throwing out the tea. She was going to be tough to get through. Thankfully there was more than enough elixir left to mend the Saviour’s broken heart, and he’d be right there to slip in. His mistress was going to be so pleased. He smiled ferally as he switched the door’s sign to Closed.


	37. A Cold Day in Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or: In Which The Saviour's Mind Is In The Gutter
> 
> Emma and Henry take a moment after Snow's departure while she admires Hook's handiwork and notices some accidental defacement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wonderfully sweet nonnie asked me to do a fic inspired by captain charming's tombstone artwork. After scapeartist pointed out an accidental (?) dick Killian had drawn in erasing Snow's name; this was all I could imagine.

“So, are you really ok with this?” Henry asked quietly.  
Emma glanced over at her son, his hand sneaking back into hers. She looked back at the headstone in front of her.  
“Yeah, kid. She’d been trying so hard to be ok with your grandfather leaving. I’m not sure he would’ve forgiven himself if he found out there was something he could do, and didn’t.”  
“Yeah.”  
They both stared at the grave a long moment. Regina, David, and Killian were a little ways off, discussing the new impediments in the form of Cruella’s new position and Hades’ very public threat.   
"I'm still impressed you guys managed to pull this off."  
Henry laughed, "yeah we almost didn't. Hook wanted to do it properly you know? Make the name all pretty and stuff."  
Emma shook her head. Only her boyfriend would care about penmanship on a tombstone in the Underworld.  
"We had to work quickly though, because we didn't want Hades finding us or anything."  
She pulled him in for a side hug. "Almost makes me glad he was busy being an as- a jerk to us, far away from here."  
"Honestly? I think Grandpa might've been more scared that you and Grandma would catch us than Hades."  
Emma responded with a grin. She already missed her mother, but the relief of knowing she was on her way home far outweighed the loss. Emma studied Hook's handiwork while the others continued their planning. Her eyes roamed the markings while she listened in. She was grateful Killian was helping David and Regina to focus on the task at hand instead of letting either of them think about how much they missed their significant other. At least one of their little family was back where they belonged. Now to get them all home.   
She could see a few strokes where he meticulously crossed out Snow's name and...Emma's shoulders started to shake as she desperately tried to hold the laughter in.  
"Mom? Are you ok?"  
Henry was looking at her in bewilderment. Emma quickly grabbed his arm and started tugging him over to the others.   
“Yep, fine.”  
“No, what's so funny? What were you laughing at?” He craned his head around, trying to take a closer look at the gravestone she was dragging him away from. “What are you hiding?”  
“Nothing, kid.” Emma managed to regain control enough to give him the Mom Look. “And it's going to stay nothing, so stop asking.”  
The others turned to them as they approached, Regina frowning at Henry's obvious pouting. David immediately included him in on their brainstorming, leaving Killian free to reach for Emma’s hand. She was tempted to take him aside to find out if he purposely defaced her father’s grave but seeing the happy, proud shine to his eyes, she knew it was unintentional. He entwined their fingers and she snuggled into his shoulder in order to hide the remnants of laughter.  
She thought it would be a cold day in Hell before she had a dirtier mind than the ancient pirate, and apparently she was right.


	38. Ambrosia, or True Love's Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cracky fix-it fic for Firebird. Emma doesn't let them leave the ambrosia tree until she deals with some unfinished business.

Emma’s newly replaced heart stuttered when she saw the cut tree. After all this, after everything they’d been through, after  _ True Love _ , and they still failed? No. No, this couldn’t be it, there had to be something, somewhere. 

Killian tugged on her hand, his words drowned out by the shaking of the ground. The fear he held for her in his eyes finally got her to move, but not towards the elevator. She pulled him in, stroking his jaw gently before sealing their lips together. He let the surging passion overtake him for a moment before trying once again to get them out of there. She held her ground.

“I know you. You’re going to convince me to leave you here, to do what’s best for my family, but Killian, I-”

“Love, you have to go. You know that.”

Emma pursed her lips tightly. “What I know is that I am not leaving my True Love anywhere. Not when we haven’t even...when I haven’t gotten to…”

His wayward eyebrow couldn’t help shooting up as the blush creeped up her cheeks. “I don’t think now is the time to rectify that particular travesty, Emma.”

“And you can think of a better time?” She crossed her arms defiantly.

As he opened his mouth to protest again, she took the opportunity to occupy it with her own, her hands traveling down to his waistband. Emma realized how reckless it was, but there was no way that she could part from this man without joining with him. And she knew that there is no way Killian would move on without making love to her. After all, there’s no way she would be able to, in his place. 

He nudged her back towards the stump, helping divest her of her clothing, even as he tried one last appeal. 

“I wanted to wait. Until I could worship you properly, draw your pleasure out over hours.”

“Killian,” she rested her forehead against his. “I love you.”

He groaned as his resolve melted away. “I love you too.”

***

The joy at finally connecting overtook the impending sorrow and heartbreak. She could feel her heart soar as they both flew over the edge. Even as her eyes shut in ecstasy, she saw a bright flash emanate from them. 

“What was that?” She said breathlessly.

He gave a melancholy chuckle. “I believe that’s referred to as an ‘orgasm’. I truly wish we had done this sooner, if you’re only discovering those now.”

She rolled her eyes affectionately as he brushed her hair behind her ear.

“All of your orgasms come with a lightshow and rainbows?”

“Well-”

They both yelped as the tree stump starting moving behind them. 

“What is-”

“The tree, it’s-”

Emma caught Killian’s dumbstruck gaze as the ambrosia flourished in front of them. A berry budded and grew right over Emma’s hand as the tree slowed its growth. 

“Swan, did we just...?”

“I guess that was True Love’s Bang?” She picked the fruit giddily. 

“Bang?” Killian looked at her quizzically as she shook her head.

“Just eat the fruit, Killian. Let’s go home, stop Hades, and then I promise, I’ll teach you all the modern euphemisms for sex I know.”

Emma knew that nothing could stop them now; True Love was the strongest and rarest magic in all the realms and she was going to show Hades exactly what that meant.


	39. About Bloody Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for s5 finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally not what I expect to happen in this scene but it's born out of shipmates' frustrations with the trolls that are A&E.

Killian swung their hands lightly as they walked towards Granny’s. Another disaster averted, another celebration to be had. The whole town had gathered and… Wait a sec.

“Hey Killian?”

“Yes, love?”

She slowed their pace until he paused entirely and drew her back towards him.

“What is it?”

“It’s just… We won. Again.” Emma bit her lip as he nodded. “Everyone’s safe. Everyone’s home.”

He nodded again, his eyes lighting with a pride, admiration, and joy that she would never get tired of seeing. 

“Everyone’s waiting at Granny’s for us,” she trailed off waiting for him to catch up. 

“Emma, what’s wrong?”

She laughed. “Nothing’s wro- ugh! Here’s the thing. The loft is empty. Completely. No parents, no children, no human ice-makers or dwarves or evil queens or werewolves.”

As she spoke, she tugged his hands to go around her waist. By the time her words sunk in, she was a mere breath from his lips. He clasped her tightly and swallowed her squeak as he lifted her enthusiastically. She could feel herself melting into his kiss, both of them swaying as she slowly slid down his body. 

“Are you asking me to carry you off and make love to you, Emma?”

In response she pulled his mouth back to hers. 

“About bloody time,” he growled, returning her answer with enthusiasm.


	40. Captain Cobra Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post s5 finale fluffy ficlet. Killian finds out about Henry's first kiss.

Emma hummed as she came down from her high. She ducked her head under Killian's chin and he chuckled into her hair, hand skating down her side. She purred into his neck as she slid her legs off his and curled along his torso.  
"See, love? The others haven't missed us a bit. I haven't heard either of our devices chirp."  
Emma nestled further into his chest, shaking her head. "I...may have turned both of them off, actually."  
She watched his stomach tense as he let out a laugh.   
"Oh, darling. That's my lass."  
He caressed her jaw and brought her lips back to his own.   
She let out a long sigh when he finally released her, keeping her forehead along his.   
"I really hope you haven't given Henry any tips on kissing or Violet is _doomed_."  
"What was that?"  
"Oh, uh, Henry kissed Violet today. I'm pretty sure it was their first."  
Killian sat up quickly, dislodging Emma from her comfortable spot.   
"He did what? What was her reaction? How has he not told me?"  
She bemusedly watched Killian scramble to his phone to check for messages. When the pants went on was when Emma realized her boyfriend was far more excited than she anticipated. And seemed to expect them to head to Granny's immediately for information gathering.   
"You coming, Swan?"  
She groaned at his chipper tone and eager grin.   
"As I recall, you were originally the one who protested the diversion home."  
He sniggered and ducked as a pillow flew by his head.   
"I'll divert _you_ ," Emma muttered as she begrudgingly got out of bed.   
He laughed again and planted a kiss on her temple. "Later. I'll make it up to you again tonight."


	41. I'm Not A Witch, I'm Your Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emma's Princess Bride costume choice to sidestep her roommate's attempts to set her up comes back to bite her in the butt.

 

Mary Margaret scowled at her roommate. 

“When I said you should do a Princess Bride costume, I expected you to pick Buttercup.”

“What? And pass up the chance to yell _ **LIAR**_ at people? Hell no!”

Emma twirled in her grey rags and wiggled the long fake nails at her. Mary Margaret just huffed and finished arranging her stockings.

“Besides, you’re more than enough princess for both of us.”

Emma took a moment to appreciate the level of detail Mary Margaret had put into her Snow White costume, ignoring the woman’s eyeroll. To be honest, she had really wanted to be Buttercup. Take a break from her life of hunting down assholes and scum and be the most beautiful woman in the world for a night. Until she overheard David telling Mary Margaret he had finally convinced _his_ roommate to dress as someone from Princess Bride as well. Neither person had been entirely subtle in their attempts to set up their best friends and Emma knew there was nothing on this planet that could stop Killian from playing a pirate any chance he got. She could handle joking around with him on game nights. She could handle flirting with him on bar nights. She could not handle him throwing himself into a role where he would pretend to be in love with her.  
Unrequited crushes were the worst. So Valerie it was. There was no way anyone at the party would try to seduce the “crazy witch” after all. And she was definitely looking forward to curling up with ice cream and Netflix when Mary Margaret inevitably stayed over at David’s after the party. Which Killian may or may not crash to give the lovey dovey couple privacy. Not that she cared.

Mary Margaret eventually finished fussing over her hair and the artful placing of cookies in her basket while Emma grabbed the 6 pack of cider and waited by the door. Her best friend’s giddiness started rubbing off on her as they headed up the two floors to the guys’ apartment. It was so nice to see her friend so happy, even with the incoming butterflies she was dreading. 

They barely got one knock in before the door wrenched open. 

“ Go away or I'll call the Brute Squad!”

Emma’s mouth dropped open in shock and Mary Margaret burst out in surprised giggles. Killian gaped back at her, his wig draping over his dark sideburns, robes properly disheveled, his “Miracle Max” scowl fading instantly. 

“I thought you’d be Buttercup!”

“I thought you’d be Westley!”

Mary Margaret edged past them to get to the side of her ridiculously ostentatious Prince Charming. 

“Huh. That’s a really cute couple costume there guys.” David may not have been visibly smug but his voice was dripping with it. 

“Great! You two can greet everyone! I’ll go help David finish setting the food out.”

Mary Margaret’s giggles followed their owner across the apartment joined by David’s chuckles. 

Killian cleared his throat awkwardly. Emma could see red tinging his cheeks under the wrinkles he applied.

“So what do you say, wife?”

Oh this was not going to go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know. I just thought Emma would avoid getting setup in any way possible. And I feel like she would have so much fun as Valerie. And Killian would rock Miracle Max.


	42. Poor Henry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry is dealing with one mother (finally) living with her True Love and the other having an infant at home. Sleepless nights are no fun for a teenager, so he takes matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will at some point just put together my Henry-centric drabbles and ficlets into one thing. But for now, this'll do.

“Yeah, Mom, don’t worry. I’ll come by in the morning for pancakes. I’ve got to go, Mom and Hook are waiting for me.”

Henry hung up and immediately received a text. 

**Mom S: Hey kid, you sure you wanna stay at Regina’s tonight? Killian is grabbing ice cream for after dinner.**

_ And have to wear ear plugs overnight? No thank you. _

**Henry: Aw, that sounds awesome. But I want to help as much as I can with Robyn so Mom and Aunt Zelena can catch at least a little break. Save me some?**

**Henry: And remember, do NOT watch Empire without me! I need to be there for his reactions.**

Henry was glad that his mom and Killian were so happy, it's all he had ever wanted for her. And Killian as fast becoming ...uh Dad-like ( _ oh who the hell was he kidding, they had crossed that bridge during Operation Light Swan _ ). Still, there was only so much a thirteen year old wanted to know about his parents’ sex life and that was nothing. So sure, an evening of dinner, ice cream, and movies sounded great. Maybe in a couple weeks, when they had gotten this “reunited, embracing the future” thing out of their systems. Or sound-proofed their room. 

**Mom S: No promises on the ice cream :P**

**Mom S: Love you.**

**Henry: Prove it by not eating all the ice cream for once.**

**Henry: Love you too.**

Henry rolled his eyes and shut off his phone. He knew one of his mothers would keep bothering him if he left it on and he was very much looking forward to his night alone. Just one more stop.

He sighed with relief as he reached the top of the stairs. He could clearly hear his uncle’s giggle coming through the door, no need for tiptoeing around the loft then. 

“Henry! We didn’t expect to see you tonight!” Snow White greeted him from the kitchen.

David rolled himself and the baby upside to watch Henry walk in, the giggles transforming into excited squeals. 

“Hey, yeah, just realized I left my DS here. I thought baby Robyn would like the colours and sounds.”

His grandmother’s smile softened affectionately and he felt his insides squirm guiltily. 

“It's really sweet of you, being so willing to help. I bet Emma and Regina are so proud of you, of what a genuinely nice person you’ve grown up to be.”

_ Wow, Grandma was really twisting the knife here. _

“Uh, thanks, Grandma.”

David chuckled. “Come on, Snow, don't embarrass him. You want him to be willing to babysit for us still once in awhile, right?”

David winked at Henry, allowing him a reprieve enough to dash upstairs. He gave his uncle a quick kiss on the forehead after bounding back down the stairs and waved enthusiastically to his grandparents.

_ Free at last. _

He made a point of walking as calmly as possible down to the docks, trying to look both purposeful and relaxed. The Jolly Roger sat in her mooring ahead. Never ever had the ship looked more welcoming, not even after being kidnapped by Pan. He breathed deeply as he climbed onto the deck. Storybrooke’s docks were always quiet after dark so he should finally get an actual night’s rest. Then he could assuage his guilt in the morning by letting his mom and aunt get a break. He made his way down to the crew’s quarters ( _ no way was he sleeping in the captain’s quarters without Killian's permission. That would just be bad form. ...And after their activities at home, he wasn’t sure he wanted to think about what they’ve done on board). _

Henry dropped his backpack with a happy sigh. A knock on the door behind him made him jump. Cringing as he turned, he faced Killian’s knowing smirk and appraising eyebrow. Words fled him. How to explain-

“I recommend the bottom bunk on the end there. Best mattress out of the lot.”

“I-”

Killian winked at him and made to leave. “No worries lad, your secret is safe with me. Just tonight though, aye?”

Henry nodded vigourously in response, letting out the breath he didn’t notice he was holding when he heard Killian climb the stairs to head home. 

_ Oops. So much for a secret hideaway. It wouldn’t be an abuse of power to write thicker walls in his house, right? _

 


	43. French Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> domestic fluff drabble, which includes Killian's introduction to the best of breakfast foods.

Killian's favourite thing is when Swan makes 'French Toast'. Eggs and fried meats are staples in any realm, the slightly sweet round pan cakes a bit more of a treat, but the way she can make ordinary bread an intoxicating harmony of spices and vanilla... 

The first morning she makes it is the first time she wakes before him. Normally he rises with the sun and quite enjoys waking her up over the course of the next hour or so, or sometimes simply watches her sleep; he particularly loves when she nestles in closer while she dreams.   
So the morning that he feels so groggy and out of it (he and Henry had stayed out for a rare star shower), he awakens to the most delectable smell. It happens again the next time he sleeps in (this time the little prince's fault, as they had given her parents the night off for an anniversary). Again, he wakes to a sweet scent wafting through the door. He discovers some stray cardamom on his beloved's collar as he leans in to place a good morning kiss to her neck and finds she is quite talented at cooking with a rather hard and insistent distraction behind her. That morning, he learns that the breakfast is nearly as delicious cooled down, even as his Swan good-naturedly grumbles about it.

The third time it happens, he's on the precipice between sleeping and waking when she gets up. A storm overnight had inspired electricity in their bed as well and he found himself quite content to lie in. He feels Emma brush her lips gently along his jaw as she slides herself out of bed. It's not long before he catches the faint aroma of cinnamon and he realizes he can finally see her genius at work. 

She smiles at him from across this kitchen as he swaggers in, not bothering to pause in her stirring. With the sunlight streaming around his love, the enticing fragrance promising a perfect morning, and Henry hugging him sleepily as he stumbles into the room, Killian realizes that Zeus had truly sent him on to heaven.


	44. season 1 Emma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (super late) Birthday present for Ael_tRlailiiu based on many discussions.  
> Hook discovers "season 1" Emma thanks to Henry's book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've noticed various people in the fandom talk about how they "miss season 1 Emma" and we (I) decided that truly the person that would be saddest to have missed out on Emma in her see-through shirts and no-nonsense badassery would be Hook.

Emma sighed contentedly as she slipped through the door. Not that it had been a long day or anything, she was quite enjoying the (momentary) peace, but there was still something about coming home. Hell, having a home to come to was still novel. 

“Oh see, here. This is after my mom had tried to curse Mom but I ate the turnover instead. Man, Mom looks like she’s going to rip her throat out!”

“That she does, lad.” Killian’s voice had a strange hitch to it, Emma couldn’t place it but it was awfully familiar. 

“It’s kind of cool getting to see what happened while I was out. Being the Author definitely has its perks.”

“Indeed.”

Emma poked her head into the kitchen. Both her boys had their heads over a new storybook.

“Hey guys.”

“Hey Mom.”

Henry didn’t even look up as she entered, but Killian pulled himself away from the pages, an appreciative glint in his eye. 

“Hello love, and how is the town faring today?”

She nearly purred as his hand slid up her arm. 

“Quiet. I could get used to this.” 

Henry watched her lean into Killian with an arched eyebrow.

“Aaaaand I think that's my cue. I'm gonna go help Mom and Aunt Zelena with the baby.”

He grabbed his bag. “I’ll let you keep the book tonight, Hook. I need it back tomorrow though.”

“Of course, lad. You have my gratitude.”

As the door shut behind her son, she turned to her boyfriend. He had already turned back to the book and was flipping earlier. 

“Are you really that interested in cursed Storybrooke? It wasn't that much fun.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Swan.”

Emma curled up to his side, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut as he relaxed his arm enough to let her burrow in further. His new shirts were just so smooth and he was so comfortable…

She felt him pause on another page. A predatory grumble resounded in his chest and traveled straight through him to her libido. She opened her eyes to see him staring at another illustration. This one was, wow, when she took a chainsaw to Regina's tree. That seemed like forever ago now. She pulled back to watch him lick his lips distractedly. The undercurrent in his voice she hadn't been able to place finally clicked. 

“Is this...turning you on?”

“Seeing my True Love in all her righteous fury, not to mention shirts that leave very little to the imagination and show off her assets quite admirably? Whatever would give you that idea?”

Killian finally dropped his gaze from the pages to turn his full attention on to her. She wasn’t prepared for the heat in his stare to burn its way down her spine. He didn’t drop eye contact with her as he invaded her space, arms grazing her hips ever so slightly as he maneuvered her back against the wall. Her torso tightened as he let his eyes drop down to her chest and brushed his hips against her own. She could feel him straining against his jeans even as he began ghosting his lips down her neck. 

“Why in bloody hell have you stopped wearing nothing but your ‘underwear’ whilst lounging about?”

Emma’s mind was jolted out of the incredible ache he was inciting. 

“Uh… because my son lives with us? Wait, how did you know about that?”

She felt him nod back towards the book before continuing his mouth along her shirt’s collar.

“That delightful book shows you answering your door in naught but panties and a see through shirt. Doesn’t seem fair, Swan.”

He started kissing down her cleavage, tugging her shirt down to expose as much skin as possible. 

“I don’t see how it’s right, love. That I missed out on the long lost princess returning to her family in such attire and with so much of that beguiling fight in her.”

She bit back a moan as his hand let go of her shirt and instead made for her waistband, tracing just underneath it. 

“Perhaps I should’ve taken Regina’s offer, come over with the curse.”

“What? And missed out on my finding you under a bunch of corpses?”

His fingers stilled and he pulled back from his descent to examine her flushed face. 

“True, love. I wouldn’t trade the beanstalk adventure for the world.”

She surged forward enough to catch his bottom lip between her teeth and tugged him closer. 

“You know,” she whispered after a few moments of reducing him to groaning, warm, hardness around her. “I still have that shirt upstairs.”

She barely had time to finish the sentence before Killian swept her up into his arms and headed to the stairs. 


	45. post shower PWP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PWP/M-rated chapter
> 
>  
> 
> Emma takes advantage of a freshly showered Killian.

“ _Fuck._ ”

Emma licked around his tip, pulling away long enough to flash him a very satisfied smirk before encasing the shaft with her lips again.

It wasn’t often she could make him speechless and the way she began sucking made it apparent she was doing all she could to draw the moment out. The towel lost its tenuous grip on his hips as he slumped against the wall and attempted to keep his brain from melting under her ministrations. Killian cobbled together the only tools of retaliation he had available.

“You- your mouth is more than heaven on earth, it's a bloody conduit to the stars themselves.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, making a point to suck harder, one hand tracing up his thigh to teasingly circle his balls.

“The way your tongue traces my flesh makes me heart sail faster and fly farther than any ship is capable of. Your eyes taunt me beneath your sultry gaze with pleasures incomprehensible to man, and surely past any I deserve-”

He cut off as she brought a hand up to his base and began stroking firmly in time with her tongue’s swirling. Under her skilled hands and mouth he was reduced to moans and grunts but the sight of her obvious arousal at his incoherence pushed him over the edge.

“ _Fuck._ ”

Emma grinned up as Killian roused from the euphoria she granted him. “I _knew_ I could render you speechless.”

“Oh just you wait a moment darling,” he licked along his lip, pulling her off her knees and backing her towards the bed. “I intend to make you scream a sonnet to the stars. No one in town will ever question your verbosity again.”


	46. Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble about Killian's kisses. What can I say, I miss CS.

* * *

Her favourite thing about kissing him was how he kissed her like there was nothing else in the world. No sons torn between fake disgust and a smile. No giddy mothers. No grudgingly approving fathers. No dwarves itching to interrupt. Just her and him. His need to devour her mouth and worship her presence. For a brief moment (or a longer one, if they were lucky), he fought push away the entire world. Somehow, without fail, every time. Even while her mind raced with everything going on, everything she needed to do or was worried about, his lips sought hers and did their best to stop time for her.   
And it took being torn away from him, again, to realize he did it. Dammit, she needed to get back to Killian and return the favour. Repeatedly.


	47. 6x15 Fix It fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like it says on the tin, a single scene change to fix 6x15.   
> The (what should have been) true exchange with "Aesop".

“Couldn’t write your own story? Was it too complicated?”

The bartender, sorry, mixologist looked pensive. “Nah, that simple, I guess.” 

She leaned forward a little. The night had been a reasonable distraction from the mess in her head but the heartbroken look in his eyes brought Killian’s departure back to the forefront.

“The artist and his wife. He loves her, she decides she doesn’t love him back,” Aesop paused. “That’s all there is.”

Emma nearly broke down. Even though he was baring his story to her, all she could think of was how all day people had been giving her pitying glances or bad-mouthing Killian or whispering behind her back, and she was so tired of it. 

“And you?” Aesop interrupted her downward spiral, and kept his eyes on her as tears began forming. 

“I… I don’t know. I have, had someone. But he left. Only he would never. He would never do that and everyone is telling me differently and I feel like I’m going crazy.” 

Her vision blurred as the tears spilled over, and he handed her a bar napkin. She smiled ruefully at it, embarrassed at the way her frustration had poured out. 

“Oh Emma…” 

Snow and Regina came over, both women seeming relieved she was finally letting her emotions out.

“Who knows, maybe I  _ am  _ going crazy.” She chuckled.


	48. The Hole in His Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Charming POV ficlet. a reflective sort of morning only constantly beset by evil curses can bring.

David watched Snow sleep, pretending for a single moment that everything was normal. He managed to maintain the illusion as he went and got Neal from the crib. It even lasted as he got their breakfasts ready. But watching his son eat, smiling brightly at his father, babbling away, drove the hole in his heart home. He and Snow should be doing this together.   
Even more than that though…   
They should’ve had this with Emma. Every day Neal grew reminded David of how they missed her first words. They missed reveling in her first smiles, her cries, her expressions as she learned of the world around her.   
He never got to be there while she took her first steps, never had his heart freeze as he caught her climbing her first tree or trying to pull heavy dishes off the table.   
Snow had been right, they had missed out on everything. Their daughter was amazing, brilliant, but there were scars left in her they could never undo. There was a hole in him that was both assuaged and amplified every time he looked at their son. Their son that, even with one parent always sleeping, would never believe his parents didn’t love him, didn’t want him. A son that would receive everything they had wanted for their daughter, but hadn’t been able to give.  
He couldn’t imagine how Emma felt, looking at her brother. David knew she would never tell them if she was jealous or sad or anything. As far as he could tell, she was purely happy for him, that he had a family that cared so very much for him.   
Every day, David felt the absence of Emma’s childhood. Every day, he could recall the way she felt in his arms as he placed her in the wardrobe. Every day, he remembered being relieved as he lay dying, because then he wouldn’t have to feel that pain and guilt for long.   
“Ma ma ma.”  
Neal giggled up at him expectantly, hands extended. David smiled back, tears escaping down his cheek.   
“I think you mean ‘Daddy,’ you silly kid.”  
Neal snuggled into his arms happily as David took deep, shaky breaths.   
All he could do was hold on, hold on to his kids for as long as they would let them. It may be far too late for him to give Emma everything she deserved, everything he wanted to, but damn if he wasn’t going to try.   
And if he held her a little too long the next time he saw her, well, she could just deal.


	49. Momzilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow has gone a bit wedding-crazed. (spoiler free post 6x17 as it is entirely crack)

Snow grabbed another magazine from a bag under the table. "Oh you'll love this one, Emma. There's the most perfect place-setting in this one. Unfortunately the centerpieces are horrendous, but  _ this  _ one has some pretty good starting points. Of course we would want to choose a different colour scheme, none of these have enough panache. Definitely not for the first royal wedding in town!” She wrestled with another bag, eventually spilling its contents out onto the table. “Now I know you both love red, but what you thought about a light blue and silver? It’s a much more elegant combo. Oh! Who are your bridesmaids? Have you asked anyone yet? What about Killian, who are his groomsmen? You know, we really need to get you a dress appointment as soon as possible. Whoever is going to be in the bridal party should really be chosen and asked within the next few days so we can get on that.”

Emma glanced at her hand, a grin sneaking across her face. "Sure Mom, sounds great." 

She heard the slightest creak over her mom’s constant chatter and looked up to see Killian about to join them. She shook her head as much as she could get away with, and he paused out of sight, shooting her a confused shrug. Emma stared pointedly while Snow’s wedding talk sunk in and he nodded. One dramatically enthusiastic blown-kiss later, and he was sneaking out, her attention returning to the overloaded table with her mother none the wiser. 

 

***

 

“Your mother’s really excited about the dress trip this weekend.”

“That’s great.”

David stopped and turned to her. “Are you okay with this? I mean, really okay with it.” 

Emma gave him a baffled smile, “of course Dad. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, it’s your wedding. Don’t you want it, you know, your way? And I can’t imagine Hook is okay with Snow deciding everything.”

“It’s ok, Dad. Really,” she beamed at him. “Now come on, Sneezy’s complaining about Doc’s flowers encroaching on his yard again and you know how urgent _ that _ is.”

He laughed, and let her lead the way.

 

***

  
“So what venue choices have you made? Have you been anywhere to look yet?”

“Snow-”

“Actually,” Killian interrupted David, “we were hoping you would accompany us on an excursion.”

Snow’s eyes filled with tears and she pulled Killian into a tight hug. David sighed. He really felt like Emma and Hook were letting his wife do way too much of decision-making on this. He was grateful, but seriously it was  _ their _ … He noticed the hand squeeze Emma gave Hook as Snow released him, and the approving pat on the shoulder from Henry. It’s almost as if they were trying to let her go as all out as she wanted.

 

***

 

Alright, this was it, David was going to confront Emma once and for all about what was going on. It just didn’t seem like her to be so happy and at ease with the full on wedding-crazed Momzilla Snow had become, nor Hook for that matter. He rounded the corner to hear voices from Emma’s office.

“I know, I know. It’s just that she seems so happy… and they’ll be devastated to find out they weren’t there.”

“They’ll be more upset if you continue to lie to them, luv.” Killian’s response froze him in place.

“I know,” Emma’s sigh sounded muffled now, and David ducked his head around to see her burrowing into Killian’s shoulder. “To be fair though, it’s not like I lied, exactly. It’s not my fault they haven’t noticed the rings.”

David tiptoed back out, letting their voices fade away.  _ That _ conversation certainly explained a lot.

 

***

 

Killian nodded amiably as Snow pointed out the pros and cons of the garden, debating with herself over whether it was good enough for her daughter’s wedding. David watched for a bit, hanging back with Henry, while Emma let Snow ramble on. When she took Killian’s hand and began fiddling with the man’s ring, David couldn’t take it anymore.

"They're already married, Snow."

She stopped mid-sentence, staring at him, "but- but when? How?"

Emma fidgeted, ringed hand firmly entwined with Killian's. "Uh, Nemo."

"But that was weeks ago!"

"I know, Mom. But we went out, fought the kraken, saved the stranded crew, and just... well, he offered and we couldn't wait any longer."

"Yeah, it was great! The way the light shone in from under the water made everything look so cool, Grandma!"

"I... don't think that's helping, kid." Emma pulled him into her side for a quick hug.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Henry shot them a sheepish smile.

Snow’s eyes were misty, and Emma waited nervously as her mother seemed to be somewhere else for a long moment. Her gaze lingered on the newlyweds, and then snapped back to the present.

“Right. Well, I wish you would’ve told us but anyway, we have a wedding to plan.”

Emma and Killian exchanged confused looks. “Mom, we just told you. We’re already married.”

“Lancelot married your father and I, didn’t stop us from having a second wedding. This town is getting a wedding.” 

David felt a righteous smirk come unbidden as he watched his daughter’s face freeze and the arguments start. He couldn’t help feeling it served her right for going and getting married without him there, and he’d pull Snow off the worst of it to assuage the bubble of guilt hiding within.


	50. Knocking, the importance of.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively, Calling Ahead, it's a Thing.
> 
> (6x18 spoilers)

The crowd shuffled in, the Town Hall growing loud as it filled.

“Why are we here?”

“Is there another villain in town?”

“Are we all in danger?”

“I don’t think I can handle another emergency!”

“Regina, what’s going?”

Regina started, “me? I have no idea. I didn’t call you all here.”

A cough towards the stage managed to silence the crowd. Emma stood awkwardly as people turned, Killian standing beside her, eyebrow quirked in amusement.

“I called the meeting. Look, there’s no emergency, well it’s an emergency but it’s not life-threatening-” Killian coughed and glowered behind her as she blushed “ -mostly not life-threatening. I… just thought that, with everything we’d been through as a town, that maybe… we could all use a refresher on some basic etiquette, privacy things. Like… phones. And knocking.”

Her face now bright red, she nudged her smirking husband out of the way. “So I asked- that is, Dr. Hopper is going to go over the importance of respecting boundaries and uh, how that’ll maximize our community potential.”

Archie climbed the stairs to the podium, notes in hand. The townsfolk had the decency (or self-preservation) to make way for the newlyweds as Captain Hook hurried the Saviour out the door with almost unseeming haste, her blushes contagious amongst the more observant of the crowd.


	51. Companionship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was in the mood for some season 2 CS.

Emma narrowed her eyes at the figure lurking in the alley. There’s no way it could be...

“What the hell are you doing out of the hospital, Hook?” 

He gave her a salacious grin, widening his stance as she stalked over. 

“Concerned for my well being are you, Swan? I assure you, I’m the picture of good health but you’re welcome to take a closer look, by all means, come see for yourself.” His tongue darted out between his lips and she caught herself staring. “You can even touch, if you’d like.”

Emma scoffed at his overtures, unable to stop her eyes from roaming up and down his form. Hook was right, he looked fine. Better than fine. In that he didn’t have a single remaining scratch or bruise on him, not in that he was devastatingly handsome. Her stomach pulled as he rolled his hips, pushing off the wall behind him. Okay, maybe he was better than fine in that way too. She watched as he closed the distance between them, their gaze locked. His eyes shone in the streetlights, the blue brighter than she remembered, the tip of his nose red from the cool night air. 

“How long have you been out here?”

That’s not what she meant to say but it escaped her lips before she could even think about it. He gave a soft chuckle, a vulnerability in him piercing through her before he dropped his eyes. He licked his lips again before peering back at her coyly. 

“I was in the mood for some… companionship.”

Waiting in the cold, hiding near her apartment, obviously looking for her… The desire that seemed to always kick into overdrive around him stirred. She was tired of fighting it. Tired of Neal’s obsession with her perceived jealousy, tired of wishing anyone would listen to her gut instead of ignoring it, tired of having to hide how pissed Neal got her from Henry, tired of… everything. She could feel the heat radiating off Hook as he waited patiently, thumb in his belt. He had to know that stance drew attention… oh to hell with it. 

Emma closed the distance, hands clenched at her side. She nudged his nose aside so she could press her lips against his. His hand dropped to her waist immediately, a barely there presence that had her reaching for his lapel. He groaned as she pulled him closer, his fingers finally lighting on her hip. His mouth was so warm, so sweet, and when he moaned again, she darted her tongue to trace along his. He snaked his arm around the small of her back and held in her place while she lifted herself onto her toes. Her hands slid up from his jacket to make their way into his gloriously soft hair. Even as the heat in her core fanned into flames, she couldn’t pry herself away from him long enough to move them to a more private location and he seemed perfectly content hold her close as he learned her mouth. Emma could feel her impatience rising through the lust-filled haze and finally managed to break apart from him to--

Emma rolled over and the sudden sunlight on her eyelids made her wince. She opened them cautiously, the burn fading slightly as she shook off the dream. Killian's spot beside her was empty but still warm, a soft song coming from the bathroom as she heard the shower turn on. She lay back, mind still reeling from the abrupt wake-up. When her body’s thrum only grew louder, she threw back the sheets and marched herself to the bathroom. There was a pirate she needed to ravish.


	52. A Disney Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow arrives at Emma and Killian's house with a surprise.

“Come on in!”

Emma tried to not laugh as Snow came in the door, discreetly checking for her daughter’s state of dress (or undress). She had gotten much better at knocking and calling before coming over, thankfully, but Emma knew her interruption was a moment she wouldn’t forget soon. 

Emma turned back to the french toast, finishing the last slices. “Did you bring the strawberries?” 

“Not exactly. I have a surprise for you on the porch!”

Snow was bouncing on her heels, wide grin on her face when Emma met her eye. 

“Mom?”

“Ok, so you’ve just gotten married, you have a house, I thought maybe it was time for the next step…”

Emma’s heart sank. She pleaded to anyone listening that her mother wasn’t about to give her the baby speech or worse, give her brother’s bassinet or something. More kids were so not even in discussion yet and Emma wasn’t sure how the heck she could refuse things without hurting her. Snow ducked out and she followed, trying to reason with herself that her mother would not just bring over random baby items without asking. 

“So we got you a puppy!”

Snow held a ball of licking, wriggling fur in her arms, crate beside the door. Her anticipation melted away at the sight of the folded black ears and beautiful brown eyes. 

“Where…?” She reached out immediately and Snow deposited the dog in her arms.

“Archie. Turns out Pongo was never spayed because, you know, curse and all, and that really isn’t a thing back in the Enchanted Forest.”

“But this doesn’t look like a dalmatian.” Emma scritched around the dog’s neck and the puppy nuzzled into her palm. The black fur shone in the sunlight, covering everything she could see.

“Turn him over.”

Emma shifted him, his paws kicking wrapping around her hand so she only got a glimpse of a white chest, speckled with black dots.

“Mom, he is really cute. But we can’t just adopt a dog out of the blue.” She cradled the puppy in to her chest, his tongue sleepily licking at her wrist. 

Snow stared at her for a long moment. “Says the woman who had adopted Pongo when she lived in a loft with three other people.”

“ ...Good point.” Emma looked down at the nose smushing into her stomach, one ear flipped over awkwardly. “But I should really talk to Killian. We’ve never discussed animals, I have no idea if he’d want a dog.”

“Emma, the man would adopt an ogre if that’s what you truly wanted.” 

She blushed furiously, eyes focused on the puppy asleep in her arms. “What’s his name?”

“Well honey,” Snow looked pointedly at the puppy snuggled up with her, “I think he’s yours now so you tell me.”

 

Killian was definitely okay with it. He came home to a flurry of barking and tail wagging, and Emma was quite sure she’d never seen his smile so bright when she hoisted the puppy into his arm. 

“I thought you’d be more of a cat person, what with the ship and all.” 

“First captain had a dog, actually. Great ratter.” Killian sank to the floor with the puppy, eyes never leaving him. Emma was pretty sure her heart had melted right down there with them as she moved to shut the door. Mr Ship-shape himself was so entranced by the puppy that he had even forgotten to take his shoes off. “Dog followed him everywhere, land or sea. Saved our arses once too, barked enough to wake the whole ship when our enemies attempted to sneak aboard one night.”

Emma watched his eyes grow distant, thinking of things long past, until the puppy sensed his distraction and nipped at his fingers. 

“Nowhere near as handsome as this chap though, of course,” Killian laughed, and the two began a tug of war with his hook.

She edged away to grab her phone but by the time she’d come back the puppy noticed her departure and had run to dance at her heels. 

“Darnit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I was hoping to get a picture of you two.” She pouted at him and he got up to peck her lips. 

“I’m certain you’ll have plenty of opportunity, luv.”

“Mmm,” she wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him back for a longer kiss. They broke apart when the dog barked, placing his paws on Emma’s leg. “So what should we name him?”

“Whatever you want.”

“You don’t have any preference?”

Killian lifted an eyebrow at her and nodded towards the dog gnawing on the bottom of her pants. “Pretty sure he’s your dog, luv.” 

“Um,” she lifted the puppy to her face, staring in his adorable brown eyes. “How about Max?”

He licked her nose in response and she giggled.

“Sounds like he approves. Max it is.” Killian kissed her hair and rubbed his nose on the puppy’s ear. 

“Yeah, Max,” she repeated to herself, running her face against his soft fur.  

 

Emma bounded down the stairs, Max jumping along with her. 

“Hey Dad.”

“Hey honey, I take it Hook ended up being ok with the dog?”

Emma rolled her eyes at him as they fell into step. “Yes, he loves him, you can tell Mom she was right.”

David chuckled and they strolled along for a bit. The town was quiet as the sun dipped below the horizon. She closed her eyes as the breeze off the ocean caressed her face, and didn’t bother to stop a grin from breaking free. She opened them when she heard her father chortle beside her.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Seriously, what?” 

Emma turned her attention on him, Max sitting beside her and mimicking her head tilt. 

“You were humming.”

“I’m just happy, Dad. Mom does that all the time, it shouldn’t be so odd.”

David’s lips kept twitching upward. “No, it’s… It’s just your parents are royalty.”

“I’m well aware, you don’t really let me forget it.”

His gaze softened a moment before continuing. “And you sing.”

“That was a spell… but fine ,yes, I suppose I sing. If humming counts.”

“And now you have an animal companion.”

Emma looked down at Max who returned her puzzled look. “I guess?”

David burst out laughing, “You’re a Disney princess!”

She facepalmed and began walking away briskly. Max followed eagerly, and eventually her father stopped his hysterics to try and catch up with them.


	53. Snow's wardrobe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MY kind of reaction fic. So, cracky af. Snow has reservations about Emma borrowing her clothes. Insinuates one 6x20 spoiler.

“Hey Mom, can I borrow a sweater? I don’t have time to run home..”

Snow shifted uncomfortably in her chair, getting up to follow Emma to her closet. She watched her daughter rifle through her collection. 

“Is this one ok-”

Snow stepped forward and put her favourite sweater down on the bed, whirling back to the closet. She grabbed for one she didn’t even remember owning and thrust it at her daughter. “How about this one? Much more your colour.”

Emma looked between the two confusedly. “Um, Mom, they’re the same colour.”

“Uh,” she stuttered, “but this one, this one has a better cut.”

“Ok...” Emma pulled the shirt over her head and tugged at the hem as she turned back to her mother. “Why do you really want me to not have the other one?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Snow smoothed it back on a hanger carefully. 

Emma crossed her arms and stared at her. Snow sighed and steeled herself to meet her daughter’s gaze. 

“It’s… do you remember what happened to my dress you borrowed?”

“The teal one? Uh, I think that was the one that hunter shot an arrow through right?”

“Yes. And the last sweater?”

“Oh yeah, that one was eaten by a whale. That was crazy.”

“And my wedding dress?”

Emma went a little pale but still chuckled. “I’m not about to forget the Black Fairy anytime soon, Mom.”

“It’s just that the other one is my favourite sweater.”

Emma laughed outright, “are you saying that I ruin all your clothes I borrow?”

“I’m saying that you fight a lot of villains,” Snow turned back to her daughter, “and I think _ they  _ may have it out for them.”


	54. The Saviour vs Sex Pollen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes a g-rated s3 sex pollen story. It's tree sex season here, it had to be done.

“Wait!”

Emma turned, the branch she had swept aside smacking her in the face. “Oh that’s just great, thanks.” She wiped at the pollen that dusted her face and glared back at the pirate. “What?”

Hook’s face was ashen as he hooked her hand to pull her away from the bushes she’d been about to go through. 

“Bloody hell, it’s all over you.” He pulled a scarf out of a pocket and began wiping carefully at her exposed arms. 

“Yeah, it’s pollen, it’s what it does.” She watched him bit his lip (those stupid lips), meticulously working to get the flower dust off her, eyes scanning her. She sighed, “Don’t tell me, this is another death plant on this hell-island. What’s this one do, make my skin peel off? Turn me into a tree?”

She managed to get his mouth to tick up but his behaviour was making her nervous. 

“Enough, out with it.” She yanked her arm away, “what the hell does it do and can it wait to kill me until after we save Henry?”

Hook stepped back in, and she couldn't help noticing the distance still between them. She'd grown used to his inability to grasp the concept of “personal space,” the gap felt far larger than it had any right to. She took the proffered cloth, continuing where he left off. 

“Pan called it Petite Mort. Led some of my crew right through this thicket once, lost a few of them to it, the ones that made it were useless for days after.” He gestured her towards a clearing in the opposite direction. “How are you feeling, Swan? Anything ...different? Off?”

Emma hesitated. Now that he mentioned it, she was. A kind of itch under her skin, and her eyes felt hot somehow. Her legs trembled and stumbled, sitting on a rock to cover the motion. Her head was definitely starting to throb.

“Any… urges?”

“Urges?” She looked up at him, puzzled. What the hell kind of urges could she get from pollen, other than one to shower? “What  _ exactly _ happened to your crew?”

His hand hovered near her cheek before he caught himself and stepped back. 

“I imagine plantlife in your land does much as elsewhere, during springtime they seek to spread their genetic material, fertilize, etc.”

“Yes, Hook, I know about tree sex.” Emma rolled her eyes, here she was sitting in Neverland with a not fictional fictional character giving her a literal “the birds and the bees” sort of talk.

He coughed, blushing furiously. She wanted to laugh, she never thought she’d see the day Captain Innuendo blushed. “One went mad, couldn't reconcile the effects of the pollen with his desires and threw himself over the nearest cliff. Two tore off the other’s clothing and, uh, had a bit of a disagreement over who should have the first turn as it were, ended up killing each other. Three others spent several days insatiable and single-minded… Although I'm happy to say that a lasting partnership was born out of the circumstances. Once they recovered from their exertions.”

She gaped at him. 

“Should, should I get Neal for you?”

He was kneeling now, still hovering too far away for Emma’s liking.

“Why?” She asked, bewildered, unable to stop the grimace at his name.

“I just thought you’d want… assistance from someone you already know. From someone who knows you.”

Emma was pretty sure the way too serious man in front of her knew her better than anyone back at the camp at this point so she really didn’t understand what he was on about. She looked down at the pollen-covered rag in her hands and back up to the blue eyes staring at her. He had said “tore off each other’s clothing,” oh OH. She facepalmed, forgetting the cloth in her hand was covered in the very thing she was supposed to get off her.

“Emma!”

His cry was accompanied by his hook snaring it away. “Swan?”

She peered up at him, squinting through her red eyes. 

“Emma, are you-”

“ACHOO!”

Hook jumped, startled. She doubled over, sneezing again, and again. Her nose was running and she floundered for the man in front of her, desperate for a handkerchief she knew he had hidden on him.

“What do you-”

“Aaagh shud ub and gibe me a dissue.”

“A, a what? And what?”

“Dissue. Hanky , whadeber.” 

He stood motionless while Emma grabbed something out of his pocket victoriously. He winced as she blew her nose.

“Much bedder,” she sighed. And then sneezed. Again. “Uuuuuugh. Get me oudda here. Dis place sugs.”

She stalked off, headed toward the stream they passed earlier. Maybe if she washed it off she could stop sneezing. And be able to see properly again. Behind her, Hook’s laughter grew in volume until she whirled around to glare at him.

“Dink dis is funny?”

“Oh indubitably, luv. The most powerful aphrodisiac in all the realms, and you’re allergic. Because of course you are.”

Emma watched him wipe tears away from his eyes, his grin threatening to break his face. She glowered at him before stomping onward. She was going to find that stream and throw him in it first. That would make her feel a hell of a lot better. 


	55. That Tongue Should Be Outlawed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blame brooke-to-broch, she said it.

Emma leaned forward in her seat, jaw resting on the chair in front of her, trying to get comfortable. Auditorium seats were the worst. It was worth it though, watching Henry race around the stage with his classmates, working so hard. She was really lucky his teacher let her sit in on rehearsals. Her eyes slid over to said teacher who of course just had to catch her looking. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and she could feel herself flush. She looked away as he got up from his spot unhurriedly, lean frame on display as his legs unfolded and shoulders rolled back. Her eyes were drawn back to him as he swaggered over, the hand on his buckle acting as a bullseye for her attention, or rather, the bulge right below it.

He waited until he reached her side to purr into her ear. “Is there a problem, Ms Swan?”

“That shouldn’t be legal.”

“What shouldn’t?” He teases his tongue between his teeth, giving her a cheeky grin.

“ _That._ "

“Oh, indeed? And tell me, Swan, what _should_ my tongue be doing?”

She couldn’t stop herself. He was right there, all handsome and warm and sexy as fuck... she grabbed his jacket and slammed her lips onto his. They were smooth and perfect, his tongue fanning the flames inside her. He seemed to know just when to flick, when to tease, and when to caress. She pulled him closer until they were straddling the armrest between seats and his hips rolled into hers. His mouth moved down her jaw, sucking along her neck, tongue swirling at all her sensitive spots. She was going to melt right into the uncomfortable seat-

A hand brushed her shoulder tentatively.

“Swan?”

“Huh?”

She looked up to see Mr. Jones crouched beside her, his actual hand on her actual shoulder. “You’re all flushed and had spaced out a moment, are you alright?”

Emma gulped and felt her face burn even brighter. Her tongue slipped out and traced her lips as she tried to shake off the daydream. She grabbed her jacket and pulled away from her son’s excessively hot teacher.

“Yeah fine. Just, just need air. Some air. Outside.”

She glanced over her shoulder as she rushed out, just in time to catch his tongue flicking along his lower lip again, a blush of his own rising.


	56. Pregnancy sucks.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a drabble w a sad Emma and a comforting Killian.

“Luv?”

Emma wiped the tears from her eyes, wishing she could sink into the steps before her husband could reach her. Too late, his footsteps rounded the corner and her tears renewed.

“Oh my love,” he sank to a knee in front of her, gently prying her hands off her face.

She nestled her cheek into his palm as he reached up to caress the streaks away. The sounds from the party reached their ears, her parents and brother laughing, the dwarves crowing, even Anton’s quiet voice could be heard as their friends and family reveled in their backyard. Everyone together. Almost everyone. Killian simply held her gaze, fingers rubbing gently behind her ear.

“I miss him too, luv.”

She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut and tightening her grip on his hook.

“Oh come here, darling.”

He pulled her into his chest, hook trapped between them in her death grip, hand moving to hold her head above his beating heart. She buried her face under his chin, letting her tears fall freely. They sat there together as the stars twinkled in the twilight.

“Pregnancy sucks.”

Killian chuckled when she finally spoke, red eyes rising to meet his.

“‘Tis not right that it has magically made you lovelier than ever then, Swan.” He smirked as she rolled her eyes at him, burrowing herself back into his arms. “But you’re allowed to be sad that your boy is off on his own adventure, pregnancy or no.”

Emma sighed, giving Killian one last squeeze before pulling away. “I know. Let’s go finish this party so I can ravish you because all that sad has now made me horny as hell.”

He laughed, and tugged her back against his frame. “With an offer like that, how could I refuse?”

She hummed into his mouth as his lips slid against her own. His tongue languidly teased her mouth open, the fire his presence always started fanning to an inferno inside her. She groaned in protest when he broke the kiss off, wrapping her hand inside his and drawing her back to the party. He kissed her like **_that_ ** , and then expected her to wait? Pregnancy really sucked.


	57. The Softness of Captain Jones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT, ish. One lucky woman scores an evening with the newly infamous pirate, Killian Jones.  
> inspired by http://initiala.tumblr.com/post/169898621161/i-had-a-thought-look-at-the-look-on-his-face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set pre-Milah, a couple years after Liam's death.

She bit back a groan as the man between her legs spread her thighs gently. When the handsome stranger had taken the crass thugs to task for bothering her and her sister, she’d been quite interested. When she found out he was a pirate captain, the infamous Jones no less, she’d been thrilled. Sure, her sister had tried to dissuade her, citing all the ways in which he would be just as rough, just as ruthless as those he fought off (she may have waxed on about his defying the crown, but honestly who cared about that shithead and his exorbitant taxes). Any doubt was erased by the captivating way his tongue stuck out from his plump lips, awaiting their response to his invitation to join them. She was going to bed herself a pirate.

She hadn’t expected, well, the _softness_. Not that he was soft, not at all. Hard planes from a physically demanding life, rough hands, and a _very_ hard cock. But the gentleness in his touch was intoxicating. They’d been quick enough to undress each other, rum and lust doing much to speed their efforts. It was just the way he moved once she’d been stripped… His fingertips glided over her breasts, brushing lightly over her nipples. His hands caressed her back and carded through her hair. Instead of being tossed to the bed the way she expected, she’d been eased back, head cradled all the way down to the mattress.

She couldn’t remember ever feeling so cherished by a lover, and never for a one-night tumble. Oh, this was going to ruin her.

Captain Jones lapped at her core, fingers dancing across her skin, making sure to tease out every moan in her. She gasped as his fingers traced a certain patch of skin.

“Ah, like that do you?” he murmured into her sex. She tensed as he kneaded at the spot where her buttocks met her thighs, warmth flooding her. “Speak up lass, you’re not leaving this chamber ‘til you’ve fallen apart thrice over, at minimum.”

She nearly came from his words alone, and then his other hand joined his mouth between her legs.

***

His crew watched enviously as the wench gave the captain a very enthusiastic farewell, her legs shaking as she inched her way down the gangplank to her sister.

“How do you do it, Cap’n?”

“Hmm?” Killian didn’t bother looking up at his First Mate, already making his way to the helm. “Do what?”

“How do you make them all… squiggly?” Killian lifted an amused eyebrow at the man’s hand motions, and he huffed impatiently. “Every lass that leaves your quarters spreads your name twice as far as the last. I know you don’t pay ‘em, no man could pay every woman the way you’d need to for that praise.”

Killian paused on the stairs, the bright sea stretched out before them, giggles from the docks fading in the distance.

“You really want to know?”

The man nodded eagerly, as the captain turned and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Easy, mate. I ask.”


	58. You Look Really Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a prompt from spartanguard: "You look really tired" + Captain Charming (because it's Friday) (but you can do CS if you'd rather)

Footsteps echoed down the hall over the bacon sizzling. 

“Good morning!” David called over his shoulder. “What time did you get in, I never heard you come home-”

He turned to see bags under Killian’s eyes, no prosthetic, and yesterday’s shirt only half on. He staggered to the counter, more falling on to the stool than sitting on it. 

“Whoa man, you look really tired.” 

Killian lifted an eyebrow, “wow, thanks, mate. You really know how to make a chap feel good.”

David rolled his eyes, tossing the bacon on plates and bringing them over. “What happened? Last I heard, your stakeout went well, you and Emma caught the guys.”

“Yeah,” Killian’s expression softened and went somewhere far away. David waited a long moment for him to continue. Which didn’t happen.

He waved a hand in front of his face impatiently. “Helloooo, Earth to Killian.”

“Hm? Oh right yeah. Well, you know how it is, paperwork and processing and stuff.” Killian turned his attention to the food in front of him, tips of his ears turning red.

David’s brow furrowed. Since when did that stuff take Killian all night? He didn’t get teased at the precinct for his organizational prowess for nothing. Before he knew it, Killian had finished his plate and had begun pilfering items from David’s.

“Hey! Geez, did you forget to eat too?”

Killian grinned with full cheeks, swallowing quickly. “Something like that, sure.”

David shook his head as his roommate polished off both breakfasts. “Whatever, you’re buying doughnuts on the way in then.”

“Whatever you say, mate.”

 

***

 

Killian nearly bounced the way to work. David was starting to wonder if the man had inhaled some of the drugs from his bust. He had nearly forgotten his prosthetic, he cheerfully bought doughnuts to bring for everyone, he even got David a latte without prompting. 

“Later, Dave!”

David stared after Killian as the man sauntered towards his desk, humming the whole way. That did it, Emma had to know what was up. She wasn’t at her desk thankfully, since it was right next to Killian’s, so David turned back around to wait outside for her. 

 

***

 

Twenty minutes later and he was getting a little worried. Emma was actually late, like fifteen minutes late. A few minutes here and there, sure, but she was never this late. Finally he spied her golden hair trudging down the street. 

“Emma!” 

She paused, taking a moment to focus, before visibly redirecting herself towards him. David couldn’t help noticing that she was walking a little funny, almost… bow-legged? 

He didn’t wait for her to get to him, he made his way over to her. “What the heck happened on that bust? Are you ok? And Killian’s acting really weird.”

“Hm? Yeah. Bust was fine. Only waited for half an hour, buyers showed up, we went in. It was textbook.”

David examined her closely. “Are you sure? Because, no offense Emma, but you look  _ really  _ tired.” 

She glared at him, and burrowed further into the too-large hoodie.

“Wait a sec… isn’t that Killian’s?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I want coffee so I’m going in now.” Emma turned on her heel, a blush crawling across her face. The movement shifted her hair over a shoulder, showing a dark red mark on the back of her neck. 

 

***

 

David was puzzling through everything on his way back to their floor. Emma and Killian both just seemed so weird today. He watched Emma get to her desk, and instead of the normal banter, Killian strode over, a mug in hand. It took David a second to see Emma take Killian’s fingers to her lips before Killian returned the gesture. 

“Ha! You two are dating!”

The floor went silent, everyone turning to stare at him. Killian squeezed Emma’s shoulder, and she kept her hand firmly on his. 

“Um, Dave?” Smee sidled over to him. “You are literally the last one to figure it out.”


	59. S3b pining angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Honestly, just stop it.” or "You don't want me." preferably set on season 3b because I'm missing the best CS pining angst of all time ♥

“Hey there, Saviour.”

  
Emma rolled her eyes, fingers tightening ever so slightly on the glass in front of her. Hook settled in beside her. His duster brushed her thigh as he swung it behind his leg.

  
“What’re you drinking?” He plucked the glass from her hand, and sniffed, grimacing immediately. “This won’t do at all. Allow me, luv.”  
She gaped at him as he pulled a different flask from a pocket and began pouring.

  
“Seriously? You go from pretty much ignoring me to full blown flirt? Make up your mind.”

  
He ducked his head to catch her gaze through his eyelashes, licking his top lip as slowly as possible. Her heart sped up despite herself. It’s not like Emma had been enjoying Hook’s weird, humourless mood, but the complete 180 was jarring. And almost weirder, somehow.

  
“My mind is always made up when it comes to you, luv.”

  
She found herself mirroring him, leaning in until their shoulders were touching. Emma snapped herself out if it and grabbed her glass back from him.

  
“Honestly, just stop it.”

  
Emma wasn’t sure what she wanted him to stop, just, something was off and he wasn’t going to get away from avoiding her questions. She tossed the drink back, relishing the burn on the way down. That was… definitely not rum. She stared at her the empty glass until a warm, rough hand landed on her own. Hook’s smile wavered in front of her, his infuriatingly biteable lips were so close. So close… he winked at her and stood up. He traced the hook up her sleeve to brush her hair back over a shoulder. Emma closed her eyes, enjoying the shiver that ran through her at his touch. Her eyes were still shut when she felt his breath at her ear.

  
“Make me, Saviour.”

  
Her eyes flew open, but he was already gone. Oh she was going to make him alright. Emma stood up on shaky legs, managing to wrestle her coat on. The room was spinning a lot more than she remembered from before. Did diners spin? She couldn’t really remember. What she knew was that she needed to find Killian and make him pay for… something. Or stop something. Stop avoiding her? That was it. Yeah.

***

The horizon sparkled in the twilight, the harbor lights and early stars vying for brilliance on the water. Killian let the pull of the sea wash over him. He hadn’t allowed himself to be lost in it of late, instead lost in the inescapable pull of Emma Swan. It was soothing, letting go. Forgetting for a blissful moment that he was cursed to hurt the one he loved. It was a good thing he had no ship, or the urge to sail away would’ve been overbearing. They would all be much safer if he left, Zelena saw the weakness in the group and exploited it. He grimaced. He was out here to calm himself so he could face another day, not wallow in self-pity.

  
Killian heard familiar, if unsteady, footsteps headed in his direction. He stood as she approached. His fingers itches for his flask, if she was looking to continue their discussion before Belle’s interruption, then he sorely desired a drink. Those thoughts fled when he saw Emma swaying with each step, growing precariously close to the dock’s edge. Killian sprinted over, catching her just in time as her foot slipped.

  
“Swan? What’s wrong?”

  
Emma blinked up at him with glassy eyes, lips stretching out in a predatory grin. “Waz wron’? Wazwrong is you running away. Is you being grumpy Hook. Is, is we no kissing. We should kiss. We should kiss everywhere.”

  
Killian’s blood froze. Her hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him in and he couldn’t stop his arms from tightening. Her nose brushed the underside of his ear, intelligible words breathed into his neck. His legs were nearly shaking with the effort of not reacting to her attention, nor dropping her to the ground. A moan came out involuntarily when her lips latched above his collarbone.

  
“Emma, Emma you have to stop.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Emma,” he managed to pull her back slightly, her mouth still moving as if searching for him. “You don’t want me, something is making you do this.”

  
Her brow furrowed as she stared up at him. “I don’? Where you been? I want you. I want. I want, I have now?”

  
Killian squashed the false hope back, chastising himself. Zelena had to have done something to her, she wasn’t in her right mind. No matter how badly he wished it to be true, it wasn’t. More than that, his selfish need for forgiveness, to be better, cost him any chance to touch his lips to hers again.

  
He watched Emma struggle to stay awake, hands still trying to urge his head down to hers. “No luv, you don’t want me. You want sleep, aye? Sleep, and you can have what you really want.”

  
Her eyes fluttered shut finally, and she grew limp in his arms.

  
“Sleep n’ I can have you? ‘Kay. Night, Killian,” she murmured.

  
His knees gave out with her words, and he managed to lower them both gently to the ground. He had to retrieve her parents, and quick. His pulse raced looking down at her, wrapped up in his embrace. His self control was not going to last long. Damn that witch.


	60. “Just stay with me.” (Jones brothers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “just stay with me”
> 
> CW: alcohol abuse, alcoholism in a minor

Killian waited for Liam’s breathing to even out, listening intently for anyone passing by. He crawled out of his bunk and knelt on the floor beside his brother. Taking care to not jostle him, he grasped Liam’s hand and placed his forehead to it.   
“Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me,” he chanted softly. He lost count of how many times he said it, and eventually woke up to a crick in his neck and his brother’s bemused expression looking down at him.

Years passed, captains changed, and every night remained the same. Killian was unable to fall asleep before Liam, only his whispered prayer helping him fall into dreams.

When he turned eleven, Killian found the bliss of alcohol-assisted sleep. He stopped needing to find Liam’s hand, didn’t have to chant his silly plea every night. It was much easier, even with the lashes marking his back as he shirked his duties and let the alcohol and rage take over. It was childish, the way he sought to never be parted. He was a man, he didn’t need stupid superstitions. He needed to stop burdening Liam with a good for nothing younger brother.

One drink turned to two, turned to four, turned to half a bottle. The goading from the others grew with it, sometimes resulting in a beating, sometimes in more rum, and Killian found the odds were ones he was willing to live with. Or not.

He struggled back to life, throat raw and stomach absolutely churning. It felt like there were nails under his skin somehow, and a star burning his brain away.   
“Bloody fucking hell, Killian! Are you trying to kill yourself?”  
He forced his head to the side, Liam kneeling by his bunk. He could barely keep his eyes open, but Liam looked almost like he was crying? Maybe he was hallucinating. He let consciousness slip away again, his brother’s desperate words following him into the dark.  
“Stay with me, little brother, just stay with me.”


End file.
